Coronavirus Shut-down March, 2020

As I write this from a completely empty school and church building after having sanitized the keyboard and desk top, I am feeling cut off and isolated from my beloved Philomath Montessori Community.  I'm sure we are all going to be feeling similarly to a greater or lesser degree from time to time as we are responsibly isolating for the good of our community, particularly our cherished elders. I may feel more apart than some of you as I choose not to be on Facebook or any social media and now I realize that there is a negative consequence to that choice.

 As we are more inconvenienced as the weeks wear on, we may find it in us to remember those who are worse off than ourselves; those who are truly alone, unlike we fortunates who are surrounded by our families; those who are unhoused and have no choice but to crowd together, feeling unsafe; those whose paychecks were not in hand when the alarm sounded and were unable to find important, necessary items when they had money to buy them.  This is what I tell myself when I am feeling a bit put out and it really puts things in perspective.

But it's easier for me.  I will be isolating at home with my husband only and although I do need to hound him as if he were a recalcitrant preschooler to wash his hands as soon as he comes in the door, still, there is only one of him.  And he cooks.

You, now, you who find yourselves at home with not one, not two, but at least 3 weeks and perhaps longer of quality togetherness and hang time at home with your children of varying ages, you are folks who give me pause.  Firstly, I want you to know that Jessica, Rachel, Christi and I are holding you in our hearts.  We cheer you on.  And I'm sure some of you are staring non-plussed at your screen thinking my sympathy is wasted on you, you are just fine, thank you very much, you welcome this opportunity to get creative at home with your darlings.  Indeed, I shall not waste my sympathies on you, you lucky, lucky duck.  The following is for everyone else.

It is my hope to offer here some ideas to help families make the most of and take the most pleasure from their enforced time at home, away from their usual playmates and companions.  Some of this will be unhelpful.  Those tips were clearly meant for Someone Else.  Here we go now:

* If your child/ren are deeply engaged in an activity that is positive, don't interrupt it.  Much like you don't wake a sleeping baby.  Your child is in a period of concentration right now.  This period and the period of rest/play/sociability that follows it is when the brain is building and organizing itself.  Let's look at reasons a parent might want to interrupt the activity:
   Perhaps the parent feels they can somehow help it to go better, help with a challenge, avoid a conflict, etc.  I advise the parent to retreat to a respectful distance and wait to be asked for help.  If your child is one who asks for help too readily and gives up without any perseverance, retreat to an even greater distance.  A child without immediate assistance will often rely on themselves.
   Perhaps there is a task that your child needs to do.  They did not accomplish an assigned task from earlier, or there is an upcoming chore they must attend to.  I advise this parent to wait, if possible, for the child to break their own cycle of activity and bring these important responsibilities to the child's attention then.  Of course, dinner cannot be put off until 9:00 because Junior won't look up from the Legos!  This isn't France.  We eat early here!
  Another reason you might be tempted to interrupt your child?  You love her.  You want to share a story or bit of family news with him. They are having so much fun you want to be a part of it.   The truth is, our kids are never more attractive to us as when they are in their element, their Horme is flowing normally and they are fulfilling their divinely mandated mission to create an adult.  Isn't it true that we all are at our most magnetic when we are engaged in something that we are passionate about?  I met my husband when I was the lead in LBCC's production of the musical "Mame!"  That poor guy didn't stand a chance!

*Use this time at home to create a wonderful space.  Again, for those of you who already have this on lock, please scroll down.  Families could approach this in a number of ways because every family is different:
   Maybe your family would like to honor the tradition of spring cleaning.  A parent or older sibling could research and tell a true story about how this was once a necessity (coal, fireplace, candle and oil lamp soot) and how it is a spiritual practice for many (Muslims for Ramadan, Jews for Passover, etc) and it makes a fresh start for spring.
  Spring cleaning might be best to do one room at a time so that the entire house is not up-ended.  Remember, you have lots of uninterrupted time these days, so let go of your usual urge to rush and be done with the job.  Be present with your kids.  Approach the task as if there is nothing to be done after this.  There is no reward for being done.  There is nothing better than this - returning things to their proper place, placing in a box the unwanted items,  cobwebbing the ceilings, wiping down the walls and baseboards, dusting the legs and sides of the furniture (I usually just get the tops) vacuuming the upholstery, laundering the throws and rag rugs, mopping the floor.  The little ones work down low.  You and the older kid are up on the ladder.
   Junior has a bucket with very little water in it.  You have shown her how to squeeze the excess water out of his sponge or rag which is cut down to a size they can squish up in their little fist. You have supervised him closely until you know he has the hang of this.  You don't want her dripping all over the house, right?  Be aware, this is a social activity.  You are all in the same room most of the time.  This is a great time to let your kids express and express.  You know they love it.  It will make it much more fun for them.  Are they not being very effective?  That's okay.  I'll bet you are getting lots done while they prattle on and walk about aimlessly with their sponge.  Have lots of dry rags nearby for cleaning up spills.
   Maybe your family's idea of a creating a wonderful space is to finally inventory, assess, purge and organize!  Again, I recommend a one-room-at-a-time approach.  Or a one-drawer-at-a-time approach.   One-closet-at-a-time approach.  Small manageable goals keep people feeling successful and not overwhelmed.  Remember to maintain your Friendliness with Error.  Nothing is discovered without many, many mistakes.  Nothing of difficulty is learned without many mistakes.  People who feel that mistakes are bad, evil, unwelcome will not take the necessary risks to move forward in life or in their development.  It's too scary!  How paralyzing.  Certainly there are times we must take our kids to task, but when we penalize them with our words and our tone and our sternest facial expressions, it should not be for their innocent mistakes while trying.  

*Keep practicing your schoolwork!  Is your child writing on paper yet?  Ask your 5 or 6 year old if they use the moveable alphabet.  Do they copy their words from the moveable alphabet rug onto a chalkboard?  Do they ever write it down on paper?   If your child writes at school here at PhMS, they are writing in cursive.  Please post a model of the lower case cursive letters on the wall or on your child's work surface where they can see it while writing.  Do this for all the kids while we are away from school.  You can find images online to print or copy by hand.  See how they are on the lines?  This is good for the kids to see.  Let's talk about how this can be used by different ages:
     
          ~ 3-4 year olds ~  Pick 3 letters to "work on"  Pick 3 that have very different sounds and look very different from each other.  Maybe 2 consonants and 1 vowel, perhaps "t" "a" and "m."  Use the phonetic sounds, not the letter names, please.  This is much more helpful in building up towards literacy.  You can find these sounds online.  Play games!  Make it fun and gay and do it only when your child really, really wants to.  This is a "get to," not a "have to."  On a scrap of paper or a post-it note, write one of your 3 sounds.  Give it to the child to hold. Go on a walk to find all the things in your house or neighborhood that start with that sound.  Maybe your child hears the sound in the middle or the end of some words. Yay!  You are exploring the world for this sound.  Does your little one have a sandbox?  Maybe she will want to form it in the sand with a stick.  Maybe he will write it on a chalkboard or on the sidewalk with chalk or on paper with a crayon. If your child is under the age of 4.5, they have most likely not worked with pencils here at school.  We hold off for quite a while as we ready their hand to be successful with pencil and not develop a poor grip.  When it seems that your child knows one of these letters and tells you the sound it says without you having modeled it for her that day, (He says "that says mmm" when he points to the letter m) you pick a new letter to start learning.
      Invite your child to place his 3 letters written on scraps in plain sight on different pieces of furniture.  Command her, "bring me the 'puh'!"  When she does so, she can put it in a new place and bring you a different sound.
     Play "I Spy!"  Gather up 10 small objects your child knows the names of - ball, spoon, heart, key, penny, ribbon, Lego, dog, kitty, basket.  Place one object in front of the child, for example,  the spoon.  Say, "I spy something that starts with 's'."  He will say "spoon."  Now we make it a little harder.  Place two objects in front of the child, i.e. the ball and the heart.  "I spy something that starts with 'buh'."  Perhaps he errs and guesses "heart."  Say, "no!" with the same smile and enthusiasm with which you would have said "yes!" had he gotten it right, because mistakes are such an exciting and vital part of learning.  Take away the heart and offer just the ball.  "I spy something that starts with 'buh'."  "Ball."     When two choices becomes easy, increase to 3 or 4 choices.  When beginning sounds become easy, try playing with the ending sounds.  "I spy something that ends with "ee".  Yes, key!"  This is one variation of a game with endless variations.  Have fun finding them.

     ~5-6 year olds ~ Most of the kids of this age in our classroom are writing on paper now.  Having that model of their cursive letters will assist them in remembering some of the trickier ones.  Maybe our kids would like to write to each other!  Have them fill a lined sheet of notebook paper with their thoughts, even over several days.  Don't send it unless it's full.  Stamps are over 50 cents!

     Most importantly, realize that it is up to you, the parents, to determine how this period of isolation and social distancing will be experienced and remembered by your child.  If the news is on continually and you yourselves are emanating worry and stress, this will replicated by your child/ren. If you make the best of this situation and see it as an opportunity to have unscheduled, unstructured time at home with your little ones, they may look back on some of the best memories of their childhoods.  It is true that this crisis will be a hardship on many.  As we look out for our neighbors, let us not feel any guilt about enjoying the silver linings this storm may bring.

Yours in social distancing,
Doni