You Gotta Sing!

Yesterday, I discovered that I can speak into my TV remote and say, "Green Day karaoke Youtube" and all these karaoke choices pop up on my screen!  I suspect my TV and remote are capable of all sorts of things of which I have no inkling!  Upon unearthing this lyrical treasure trove,  I chased Andy out of the living room with my caterwauling.  It's not as good as singing with the kids, but it was fun.  I don't have the usual amount of alternative rock coursing through me as I usually fuel up on tunes during my 40 minute commute between Albany and Philomath.   You can often catch me at 7:15, having a hot flash, windows down, tearing off my cardigan, singing along to Foo Fighters or Red Hot Chili Peppers on any day Monday through Thursday, that is, until March 12. 

I saw a report that of the streaming stations, the most popular during the stay-at-home order are classical, folk and children's songs.  That, of course, made me think of the classical music we often use for Walking on the Line and the folk and children's songs we love so much.   If your kids are missing some of their PhMS favorites, I looked up some which were available on Youtube.  If your kids would like you to lead or participate in a singing circle, you might use these videos to ascertain the actual tune and lyrics, which you can also search separately, of course.  I just have to chuckle when I hear myself advising others on how to use the internet!  Where do I get off, really?  It's so comical! 

You can find the following Raffi favorites that we sing at school: Baby Beluga, Robin in the Rain, You Gotta Sing (which only displays the lyrics and might be a nice reading experience for someone), Wheels on the Bus, Apples and Bananas.  You can find Tom Chapin's "This Pretty Planet," Linda Allen's "The Dandelion Song," Red Granger's "I Think You're Wonderful," and Mr Rodgers' "Its You I Like."  In this clip, the song itself doesn't appear until 4 minutes 15 seconds in.  He is interviewing a neighbor boy who uses a wheelchair and then sings to the boy.  There are probably many more.  I looked up our Continent Song, but the tune was very different AND they say "Australia" instead of the more inclusive "Oceania," which I also used to do, once upon a time. I offer you this curated list of songs to enjoy with your kids during our time apart. 

Just a short one today.  Sometimes, more isn't better.  Speaking of which, please do read my old post, "Affluenza: Too Much, Too Soon?" from September 18, 2014.  I think it's still very good and carries an important message.  Have a wonderful day at home, friends!

Your Guide,
Doni

Concerned Granny to the Rescue!

Greetings on this drizzly Monday morning!  Your Guide is such a creature of habit that my weekend had a weekend "feel" to it that my M-F did not.  I confess, I binge-watched "Serengeti" on The Discovery Channel, but I almost couldn't take it!  Life is rough on the Serengeti!  I became very attached to a baboon, a zebra foal, a lioness, a hyena, an African wild dog and an elephant.  Watching their trials and tribulations tore at my heart!  I also turned my living room into an exercise studio and did a hip hop workout I found on YouTube.  Moving the furniture was my warm up and cool down!
But today, it's back to work, here in my office, looking out on the garden and greenhouse, where my cat lives, and beyond that, the cattle ranch and Christmas tree farm which our property abuts.  Let's see if we received any mail over the weekend.  Here we are!

Dearest Guide,

We are blessed to be three generations sheltering together during the coronavirus crisis.  It is lovely to spend so much time with everyone, but I have one concern.  My granddaughters, who are very young, spend a lot of time on their parents' electronic tablets and when they are not playing games or watching videos on them, they are campaigning to do so.  It isn't very pretty to hear how they whine and how desperate they seem to be for these devices.  I find it very disturbing.  Beyond their behavior around the screentime, isn't it bad for their brain development?

                                                    Signed,   Good-hearted Grandma

Gentle Grandparent,

It is so difficult to sit aside and watch your children raise their own children sometimes, is it not?  I am a grandparent myself and can truly relate. Your influence, however, is already felt by your granddaughters in the decency and integrity you model for them, the results of the rearing of  your own children and who knows, perhaps even a genetic component?  I'm sure you will have a lasting and positive influence on the formation of their personalities.

 Yours is a timely missive as I'm sure many of the families of the children I live with in the Children's House at Philomath Montessori School are also struggling with the issue of screentime as they spend so many hours at home.  First of all, I am familiar with the dynamic you are describing.  It seems that screens can be very addictive and that quality can certainly bring about the ugly side of any of us.

Please allow me to refer you to two previous posts on our blog.  If you could induce the parents of your granddaughters to read them, it might offer them food for thought.  After some time, thought and observation on their side, they may re-consider their children's overuse of their devices.  Please go to the archives and read "Tiny Little Addicts" from October 24, 2013 and "Movie Time" from May 10, 2011.  If these contain compelling information you wish to share, please do so. I think they explain some of the brain science that addresses your concerns very well.  I hope your granddaughters end up with more blocks and walks and less scrolling and clicking during their time at home with you and throughout their childhoods. Thank you very much for writing.  In solidarity and appreciation, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni

PS: I am concerned  about the many children who are truly "stuck" at home with families who are incapable of caring properly for them: children for whom school was an escape to safety, security and sustenance.  I called Family Tree Relief Nursery in Albany today to see how I could help.  They are closed per the governor's order, but are still providing support to families.  They are checking in with families via phone calls, using FaceTime with the children and have sent home activity packets and playdo.  When I called they were putting together food boxes for their families in need. I made a donation over the phone and they were so touched! Thank goodness this agency is there. 

The Will and Obedience

                                                                 

Gentle Parents,

I came across this article I wrote some time ago and evidently forgot to post!  I tuned it up and  I think it is of value.  Won't you please do me the favor of reading it?  It's about the development of the Will and Obedience.

                                                                 A Matter of Semantics


"She's just so strong-willed!  I can't get her to do anything I ask."   "He's a handful, but at least he has a strong will."

I often hear parents, teachers, even Montessorians (who should know better) using the term "strong-willed" in this manner.  People use it to mean a child who will not bend his will to the will of another: a disobedient child.  Because of my training, I have something else in mind, when I speak about the will.  A child deemed "strong-willed" is, in fact, in possession of a weak, as yet undeveloped will. I'll explain.

We all wish for obedient children.  They're just easier.  But obedience doesn't come in a box like a new dress that we can just put on a child and BAM!  They're obedient.  Obedience is an achievement of natural development that comes, finally, in its own good time.  Here's how we get there:

First, we must regard the will.  The will is the ability to make ones physical being follow a command that one gives oneself.  As I type this, I am exercising my will.  As you read it, you are exercising yours.  Montessori observed that the Will, (and she did capitalize it) is the foundation of obedience.  Obedience then develops in 3 stages.   The first stage occurs when the child is very young.  A known and trusted adult such as a parent or a teacher, tells a child to do something.  If that command happens to coincide with the child's natural urges to develop himself, the ones he is experiencing in that moment, he will follow the command.  Its pretty hit and miss.  This is not a character defect in the child.  This does not make her "naughty" or "bad."  It is simply that her will is in the early stages of development.  It is still a weak psychic muscle that needs to be built up. The child under 3 is a disciple of her unconscious urges to create an adult.  Any command that does not coincide with this primary, undeniable command from Nature (to grow and become an adult) cannot be obeyed.  This protects the child from being unduly influenced to leave her rightful, developmental path.
 Another obstacle for the child is his own ineptitude.  This is a young child who can very often not make his body do what he himself wants it to do!  He cannot yet zip his jacket, turn a sleeve right-side-in or put his hood up when it starts raining.  So telling him to put on his coat is probably futile.  He hasn't learned to bend his will to his own desires.  How can he bend it to yours?  The child is limited by his level of competence.

The second level of obedience is exhibited next.  Now the child can obey.  She is skilled and competent.  She has had much practice in making choices, planning activities and following them through to their end.  She can now direct her will and and even follow the will of another.

The third level of obedience is just like the second, only now it has become a joy and a pleasure to obey the commands of an authority, such as a respected parent or trusted teacher.  The child thrills to do the bidding of this beloved adult and the child's obedience is an expression of love.

Wow!  I can sense you all salivating, wondering how we can get to this delicious state of affairs!  I must inform you that it is possible and entirely do-able, but not easy.  It is the work of years.  Are you ready to undertake such a task?  Great!  We'll do it together!

First, we must allow the child to exercise her Will by giving her the opportunity to do meaningful work.  This is huge.  By making a choice, selecting the materials that are needed, creating a work area, performing the task until the CHILD is satisfied and then cleaning up the work area, putting all materials away, the child builds her Will.  She is practicing bending it to her commands.  She is practicing competence.  She is becoming independent.  We, the on-looking adult, may become bored with what the child is doing.  We may be anxious for her to "progress" to the next thing.  We may not find her activities meaningful.  But is she repeating the activity?  Ad nauseum?  Is she focused on it?  Then it is, for her, meaningful work, driven by that insatiable innate urge to build herself up into an adult.  We must refrain from interrupting her.  Even a baby, who is focusing on someone's face, or on a cow in the field or a mobile in the crib, is concentrating.  Adults cannot resist a baby and desire the baby's attention, the baby's gaze, so we often interrupt the concentration of the infant and call her name or talk to her.  We unknowingly interrupt the baby's "work" and sabotage her developing ability to concentrate.

Secondly, we have to stop bossing the children about unnecessarily!  We don't mean to.  We often don't even think twice about it, we just start telling them what to do.  I have heard it said that parents could give their children a mere 1/5 of the verbal commands they habitually offer and the kids would be just fine.  And they can't obey (at least 50% of the time) and so that leads to conflict.  It also leads to a habit of children ignoring the adults in their lives.  How different would it be if we were more mindful in the commands we give to children?  Instead of assuming they need our instruction, what if we observed first to see what they were going to do?  Maybe she will make a good choice.  But what if she's doing something and then experiences an obstacle preventing her from carrying out her chosen task?  Wait.  Watch her struggle.  That struggle is building her will, isn't it?  Maybe she can persist, overcome and proceed.   Maybe not.  Maybe there is one little thing we could assist with to allow the child to keep following his Will and only helped with that one little thing, then let the child go on serving himself?  Now, we all know that it is more efficient to just swoop in and do the task for the child.  Make her snack, clean up the dishes, bathe her, dress her, etc.  But you are your child's first and most important teacher.  A wise teacher helps the child to do things for herself.  One who simply does them for the child is a servant. Servants are great, but it will benefit our kids more if we are teachers.  Let's be teachers.

However, once you have decided that intervention is necessary, be prepared to back it up.  Be a parent of action, not mere words.  Once you set a limit or give a command, it must be followed through.  Otherwise, we lose the trust of the child.  She will quickly perceive that you do not mean what you say and, therefore, can be ignored.  So say less, but mean it more.  Set limits and be consistent.  Don't apologize for the boundaries you have set.  They are wise and benevolent, are they not?  To say, "I'm sorry, but I can't have you running into the parking lot." is disingenuous.  You aren't sorry in the least.  Parking lots are dangerous.

Another thing we can do to support the development of the Will is to provide good choices and limit the possibilities of bad choices.  Let's have a few, thoughtfully chosen playthings, Practical Life activities, art materials and books in our homes.  That sets the stage for the meaningful work to take place.  We don't want to have so many possessions that cleaning up becomes a herculean task that no one wants to attempt. Cleaning up is as important a step in the work/play process as the choosing, the setting up and the activity itself.  To let a child think that she can make messes and others will clean them up for her is not the way to mold a good citizen.  And those bad choices we want to limit?  That is already partially accomplished by limiting the Stuff and Clutter.  Now your child cannot choose to create a mass of  mess.  It might be further accomplished by child locks on the knife drawer, getting rid of the TV and videos and keeping only wholesome food in the house.  Why fill your home with things that are unhealthy choices that you really don't want your child to have access to?  Why have unnecessary conflict?  There will be conflict enough, because that's Life.  But why add to it?

In summation, the Will is developed over time, helped along by the restraint of benevolent adults.  The adults provide good choices, observe to interpret how best to help the least, speak less and mean it more and trust that their child's ability to obey will come if nurtured, primarily through self-chosen activity.  Dr Montessori's desire for the child was ever to have "a heart that feels, an eye that sees and a hand that obeys."  Obedience gets a bum rap, I think, as being the realm of the weak-willed, but I hope that the offerings above demonstrate that, quite the opposite; to obey is to deploy one's psychic strength. Strength takes time and exercise to develop. 

Best regards,
Doni

Our Friends at the Corvallis Caring Place

Good morning!  I am just back from a hilly walk with my dogs during a sun break.  Many of my neighbors had the same idea and we waved in solidarity to each other from opposite sides of the street as we passed.  I truly feel that we are all in this together and I am getting that back from everyone I (distantly) encounter.

I apologize for the length of yesterday's post.  That was excessive, but the poor writer had a big job ahead of them.  I will be more concise in future posts.  Like today's!

Dearest Guide,

What would be a good way for our kids to extend themselves to our larger community at this time?  Do you think it would be a good idea to send letters and drawings to the residents at a nursing home?
Do you have any ideas about how we can give back to people or communities in need?

                                                           Signed, Lots of Love to Share


Gentle Parent,

I think your idea of sending cards, letters and artwork to a nursing home was a terrific one.  I called our friends at Corvallis Caring Place, where Philomath Montessori students performed and visited last October, to see if that would be welcome or if contagion from the mails were a concern.  The lovely Crystal said that contagion via the mail was of very slight concern and children were welcome to mail any letters or art they wish. She seemed genuinely delighted and excited at the prospect.    Crystal also said that families could photograph the letter, card or art piece and email it to crystalw@corvalliscaringplace.org and save the stamp.  It could be shared with  residents on a screen and also on the facility's Facebook page!  So, perhaps don't accidentally photograph your social security card and send that along.  I don't know as much as all of you about such things, but I'm assuming you can "friend" them and be part of the fun, seeing what they and others have sent.

Where else could kids send encouraging or appreciative notes and cards?  What about Samaritan Hospital in Corvallis?  Or maybe send a card to Any Staff at Lenox Hill Hospital NYC or Any COVID Patient at Bellevue Hospital NYC, our own Philomath Fire Department EMTs or any worker at Fred Meyer or the Co-op?  The list can go on and on - gratitude to those caring for the animals at our local shelters (managing without their usual hundreds of volunteers ) or  trucking company employees (you know, a lot of truck stops have closed.  Must be tough.)  I would address that one, "Dear Trucker."  I'm sure if we all practice our gratitude, we can come up with many community workers/helpers who could use some encouragement or appreciation.

What else, what else?  We could buy a few extra non-perishable food items when we shop for supplies and set them aside for one of our area food pantries such as Linn Benton Food Share or South Corvallis Food Bank.  We could ask our kids their input about what would be the most nutritious foods to include.  This makes for endlessly fascinating discussions about nutrition and the food groups.  Kids LOVE to place things in categories!

Another idea:  Foster an animal or litter during your shut-in time.  Safehaven Humane Society is seeking foster homes.  They provide the supplies, food and support.  You supply the love and care.  Inquire at fostercare@safehavenhumane.com or call 541-928-2789.

The unneeded toys and such that have been weeded out of your kids' stash can be lovingly cleaned and made as nice as possible for their next owner.  The outgrown, but still useful clothing can be laundered, mended, folded and readied for its next wearer. You, Gentle Parent, can discuss with your kids how you will call So-and-So to see if they need anything next time you go out.  Is there a neighbor that you should check on?  Could you put someone's trash cans back up by their garage after pick-up?  That could be a really fun focus for a walk! Could you put some books you are finished with in a Local Little Free Library?  If you come up with more wonderful ideas, Gentle Parents, please share them on that wonderful Philomath Montessori Facebook page I keep hearing about! And share what your family has done.

Quick story: A few weeks ago, when COVID19 had gained traction in the Seattle area and a little bit in Portland, my octogenarian mother, who is staying at my sister's home in Vancouver, WA, borrowed some books from the senior center. Thinking better of it and concerned about contagion, she placed them on cookie sheets in a low oven for what seemed a reasonable period of time.  When she extracted them, all seemed well until the books were picked up and every page came sliding out like loose-leaf on the floor.  All the glue had desiccated.  Mom has been gluing the books back together and they are reportedly as good as new!  And sanitary!

  Many thanks, Gentle Parent, for your reminder to look beyond our own little nests to the great Tree of Life and our fellow humans, many of whom are much, much worse off than we and many of whom are heroically laboring under very difficult circumstances to see our needs are met and the virus is kept at bay.  Humbled and grateful, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni

Totally Do-able!

Dearest Guide,

Okay, We've created two work/play/activity areas for our kids, one at table height (we put tape lines on our dining room table to define each kid's space) and on the floor (again, we used tape) as you suggested,  but everything still looks and feels a hot mess.  Where to begin?

                                                                  Signed,    Perfectionistic Procrastinator

Gentle Parent,

Try to feel my warm hug over the miles.  I am patting your back.  There, there.  There, there, there.  Deep breath in.....and out.   Everything is going to be great.  Today, things are going to get a bit better.  Tomorrow, too.  We can stop and rest whenever we want.  We need not ever be "done."  All you need do is make it better.  In one area.  You can do that.  Then, you can decide if you want to do more.

Let's begin with inspiring quotes by Dr. Montessori.  She said, "Order is one of the needs of life which, when satisfied, produces real happiness."  I agree and you must as well or you wouldn't have written.  External order in the environment of the young child creates internal order as they create themselves.  "The education of even a small child, therefore, does not aim at preparing him for school, but for life."  Maria Montessori       

  Even if we "only" create a few orderly shelves for your children's favorite playthings, it will help  your children to educate themselves from the inside out.  It will increase your children's independence as they can better serve themselves, needing no help to access and set up their activities.  It will encourage respectful use of the materials as the orderly shelf invites one to put it back properly and in its completeness. It's order and beauty will invite purposeful activity, bringing about concentration/absorption/flow which results in periods of normalization/self-regulation - that state in which the child's psychic energy is flowing as it was intended to - in service of the creation of an adult human. Gentle Parent, please re-read that last sentence, if you would.  I'll wait, it's wordy.  That is powerful stuff, is it not?  Spoiler alert, though; that state is fleeting and must be created again and again, through purposeful movement and activity.  Normalization can come about from doing math, dressing dolls, washing the tires on a car, writing a letter, stacking blocks. The "what" matters not so much as the "how."  The "how" is freely-chosen activity that is in the "zone of proximal development" (Lev Vygotsky 1896-1934): not so easy that it doesn't require focus and not so difficult that it is impossible.  The child may require a little help at first, too, then can take over and do it independently.  That independence allows them to work alone and get into that "flow" state. After the period of concentration/activity, when the child feels satisfied, there is an important period  as the child cleans up the activity, rests and/or socializes.  The brain is editing and organizing itself during this rest period.  By creating the conditions for this 3 step cycle, 1) choice and set-up, 2) the absorbing activity, 3) the cleaning up and rest, you are creating the conditions by which your child achieves their optimal and most natural development. 

Let's begin.  Think of your child's playthings/toys/activities as the merchandise in a store.  Every store has a display space and storage in the back.  That's what you need.  The display space is the space from which your children will choose their things and where they will put them when finished.  The storage space is where you will keep desirable items that at least one of your children will still find highly engaging and useful, but won't be offered right now.  It will be brought out later. 
You are going to rotate the stock, just like a fashion boutique, bringing out fresh items every now and then to replace items that you have observed are not being chosen or are not absorbing to anyone when they are chosen. 

STEP ONE:

Your first job is to create those two spaces, most likely by clearing them out.  What will be your children's display space?  Do they have toy shelves already? Let's empty them and start fresh. What about the cabinets flanking the TV in the media center?  Perhaps the DVD's and books could go elsewhere.  Or you can make like your first apartment and do the modular milk crate thing or the cement blocks and boards thing.  Maybe you have an impressive library amassed on a tall shelf.  The lower shelves could be for the youngers, the medium shelves for the elders and your lovely books could remain on the top two shelves. 

Ponder your storage space.  Where can you put art/office materials, toys and games to bring out later?  In labeled storage bins?  Put your storage containers where you can easily and joyfully access them or you won't rotate your stock. Your closet?  Your kids' closets?  Under the guest bed?  The garage seems cold and crowded and unjoyful.  Whoops!  That's MY garage!  Yours might be luxe!  Okay, you've got your first task - creating your display and storage spaces.  That's a lot, but you can do it.  I believe it is in your "zone of proximal development."  Don't forget to ask for help if you need it.  Maybe someone else in your household has an idea of where the kids could access their work. Maybe someone can help you clean out from under your bed so that can be used for storage.  When your spaces are cleared out and ready, report back here for the next step. 

STEP TWO:  Congratulations on accomplishing step one.  Do you want to take a nap? No?  OK.

Stock your display and storage areas.  You and the kids must sort through and evaluate their things.  This is a great time to get rid of things that no longer "spark joy" as Marie Kondo, the omnipresent organizer of our time, says.  But it can be hard to part with things and our sagging planet would tell you that there is no "getting rid" of anything.  This can be a bit stymying, but we won't let it.   I suggest you don't decide what to trash/gift/donate/repurpose at this time.  Just set some things aside for now.  Put your discards in the cold, unjoyful garage in whatever you have - trash bags, cardboard boxes (remember the COVID19 virus lives quite a while on cardboard) or a big pile and assure the kids that if they want any of it back in the weeks to come, it is all quite retrievable.

 Now we are just dealing with our most treasured items.  This is manageable.  Show the kids the display space that they have available, perhaps allocating a shelf for each child to stock.  They can put their toys here, organize art activities onto trays, into manila envelopes or pocket folders and baskets, create Practical Life activities on trays, in baskets or buckets,  stack boxed games and puzzles, etc.

 Activities, games and materials that did not "make the cut" this round can be organized and sorted into your storage containers.  If these need to be paper bags for now, that's okay.  Just be careful pulling them back out from under the bed.  Go ahead and label those paper bags with a marker "Paper Art Supplies," "Other Art Supplies," "Puzzles," "Games," "Action Figures" "Blocks/Building"  or whatever categories, more general or more specific, suit you.  Maybe some of the things that you are storing can go to other areas of the house where they are already stored?  Office supplies in the office, books in the bookshelf/basket, dolls and stuffies to bedrooms, dress up clothes to the dress up bag.  If your child becomes inspired and wants to swap out an item on her display shelf for an item about to go into storage, that seems okay to me.  Is it okay with you?  Every family is different.

  Okay, now we are running out of storage space and display space.  It's time to take another bag out to the TEMPORARY discard area.  Not everyone makes the cut.  And remember, lots of your kids' favorite activities probably live in other rooms - food preparation in the kitchen, folding laundry in the laundry room (or on the coffee table) and bicycle tune-up in the garage. 

STEP THREE:

Enjoy what you have accomplished with your family!  Later on, consider sorting through the discard pile.  In the coming days, observe what your children are genuinely enjoying and using respectfully from their shelves. Should you show a little thing that might help your child be more successful with that activity?  Or is there an element of the activity that could be improved upon?  Changing a hand towel in a washing activity to a more manageable washcloth, for example.  What might you swap out?  What would you replace it with?  What new activity would be fun to bring out of storage and put on the display shelf?  What is ready to leave and make room for the new piece of work?   Could an older sibling do one of their harder activities with a younger one?  Help them knit or weave paper or cut out paper dolls?   Or would that just be aggravating and not peaceful?  Every family is different.  Consider future changes you might make in other rooms to help your children be independent.  Accessible and safe food preparation activities in the kitchen?  Self-serve snacks?  A daily chore of setting and clearing/wiping the table?  Using the carpet sweeper after dinner?  Sweeping the kitchen after the dishes are done?  Measuring cups in the tub for bath math?  Brushing the family dog in the yard?  Maybe no changes for awhile. Rest.  Secretly eat a chocolate in the bathroom.  Don't crinkle the wrapper!

Did you hear the one about the parent reporting on how it's going at home?  "Homeschooling going not so well. Two students expelled for fighting.  One teacher fired for drinking."   Congratulating you for all your efforts, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni

PS:    I address my readers as "Gentle Parent" in homage to Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, whose etiquette books I voraciously read in my youth.  She addressed everyone's inquiries with "Gentle Reader." 

                                                      

Adapting to New Times

These are uncertain times, friends.  It makes it hard to imagine what life will be like in the next several months.  It is stressful when there are so many unknowns and it is difficult to make plans.  Once before in my life, my husband and I were separated, on and off, for about 3 or 4 years.  I was in a position where I could not see my future clearly.  It took some getting used to, but I learned to live without knowing the future, as if I ever had.   I learned to live in the present for long stretches of time and I found peace.  A friend of a friend of mine is from war-torn Cameroon in western Africa.  From his perspective, the rest of the world is now getting a taste of what he and his peers have lived with their entire lives - scarcity of basic goods and services, lack of medical care, isolation indoors because it is too dangerous to go out, exile from home, fear and uncertainty.  Dr. Montessori said, "Education is a work of self-organization by which man adapts himself to the conditions of life."  Adaptation is one of the Human Tendencies that have allowed humankind to endure and thrive. Our education continues as we adapt ourselves to these new conditions.

Meanwhile, some parents of our Philomath Montessori School community have been reaching out to say that they are really enjoying this time at home with their kids.  Thank you, Jessica, for providing our families, via email, with some great "homeschooling with Montessori" resources and thanks to the parents who have shared some great stories and pics with the Philomath Montessori Facebook group.  Join them and keep up with their adventures.  It is fun to see what parents and kids are doing at home.  Now, let's reach into the mailbag and see what folks are wondering about today.  Here's one:

Dearest Guide,

My son is a fledgling reader and is getting really good at sounding out individual phonetic words of a few letters in length.  Many of the beginning-reader books we have  contain a lot of "sight words" such as was, she, the, one and you, for example, that cannot be sounded out. Should I be teaching him how to read these words?

                                                                                     Sincerely,
                                                                            Excited Amateur Educator

Gentle Parent,

What a great question!  The short answer is, yes, it's time to learn what we call "puzzle words" and I will tell you the very best way to do it.  But first, a history lesson!  Did you know that Dr. Montessori pretty much invented the concept of" "reading without books?"  Think what a boon this was to education back in those days when books were rare luxuries (and still are in many homes and schools.) Isn't this a boon to us with all the libraries and schools closed?  In the Prepared Environment, our children, once they have been writing a good long while, spontaneously begin reading. We then provide them with many opportunities to read without ever cracking a book.  A book can be very intimidating and, as our Gentle Parent discloses, can be full of non-phonetic words and unknown subject matter.  Children are invariably more successful at reading something which they already know about, full of familiar words and ideas.  So we give them objects that they know the names of, that are phonetic and words written on paper labels to read and match to the objects.   Often these objects are in a basket.  Sometimes they are objects that are part of our Casa dei Bambini, as a Montessori classroom was originally named. Words like "bell," "plant," "basket," "hat," etc allow a child to practice reading and gain skills and confidence as she places labels next to the appropriate item in her casa.    This concept can be extended to writing commands for the child to read, then act out, like " grab a hat" or labeling sensorial qualities in the environment like "short" or "salty" or "heavy." There is much, much reading that can be done, and is best done, without books.

We have in our environment ten packets of ten words, each printed on their own separate card.  If one learns all of these "puzzle words" one will know 100 words that they can read, not by sounding them out, but by recognition.  When not knowing these words become an obstacle to your child's reading, it is time to introduce them.  We do this via the famous "3 Period Lesson."  This is the technique by which we impart new vocabulary, such as the names of geometric shapes, names of tools, animals or vegetables or even the phonetic sounds of the sandpaper letters.  Just as the name suggests, it is done in 3 periods. It is done in the spirit of a game.

 In the First Period the teacher introduces the new vocabulary by naming the objects.  3 is usually a good number to be learned at once.  Not too many to master, nor too few to challenge.  In the case of puzzle words, one would have 3 cards (you could use 3x5 cards) that each have a word written on them in PRINT.  That's important.  Cursive is for writing, but virtually effortlessly, children who have been writing for months in cursive can transfer their knowledge of sounds and are able to read in print.  Most of what we read in life is in print.  You can choose 3 words that would be helpful for your child to know.  Let's select "the" "I" and "was" for our first lesson.  Introduce the concept of the puzzle word to begin.  The lesson might go something like this:
"You can sound out words, right?  But some words cannot be sounded out, because when you do, they make no sense.  We call them puzzle words.  And we can learn to read them anyway.  This word is "the."  This is how you read it.  (Teacher looks at the card and says "the")  Now you do it.  Yes.  Let's use it in a sentence. The mouse ate the cheese.  You think of a sentence with "the" in it.  (The child says one.  The teacher sets this card aside, face down.)  Now this one is "I."  You read it.  No, don't try to sound it out.  It won't make sense.  Just look at it and say "I."  Yes.  Now tell me a sentence with "I" in it.  (Teacher sets aside this card and introduces "was" in the same way.  That is the First Period - naming the vocabulary to be learned. 

In the Second Period, it gets really fun.  The teacher issues a series of commands requiring the child to hear the word, reach for the object named and perform a task with it.  Sometimes the child is required to say the names of the objects.  It may sound something like this:
Put "the" here.  Touch "was."  Point to "I."  Knock on "was."  Tickle "the."  Turn all the cards face down.  Can you find "was?"  Let me turn one over.  Is this "I" or "the?"  (Now the child gets to say the word.)  Give me "was."  Give me "the."  I'm hiding them behind my back! Pick a hand.  (The teacher shows one card.) Is this "the" or "was?"  Pick another hand.  Is this "the" or "was?"  Stand up and take "I" to the coffee table.  Leave it there.  Put "was" on the arm of the couch.  Put "the" under Daddy's chair.  Bring me "I."  Bring me "the."  Bring me "was."  And the game goes on and on as long as it is fun and engaging. And when your child errs and reaches for the wrong word?  Tell them so tactfully and factfully ( I made up that word for catchiness!)  Say, "that is 'was'."  Can you find "the?"  Put "the" here.  Put "the" here.  Tap "the."  Put "the" here.  Kids find it a fun surprise when you do a succession of commands with the same word at times.   If your child is following your commands confidently and indicating that they have learned and remembered the new vocabulary, you can go on to the next step.  If they seem unsure and make many errors, stay at this level, playing games as long as it is fun and engaging, then end the activity. 

In the Third Period, we ask the child to demonstrate her knowledge.  "What is this?  What is this?  What is this?" the teacher asks of each new word, giving the child time to answer.  If they do not answer or answer wrongly, supply the correct information.  "That word is "was" just as cheerfully as if they had said it correctly.  At this point, one can go back to the First Period and begin playing again, end the activity or learn one, two or three new puzzle words.  If the child named one correctly, get one new word.  If they named two correctly, bring out two more.  If they named them all correctly, learn 3 new words if the child wants to.  After learning these 3, review all of the words you worked on.  Maybe review them again in a few hours and several times during the day so they stick.  Keep learning and reviewing as days go by.  I think you could web search "common sight words for beginning readers" or something like that to generate a list of words to learn or just pick them out as you and your child encounter them during your read aloud time.  Turn each word into a card and keep them all together or organize them into sets of ten.  None of the words is more important  than another so it matters not in which order your child learns them.  Enjoy this new stage of reading with your child, Gentle Parent!  The doors just keep on opening from here!  Wishing your child further joyful learning, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni



                                                                                          
                                                                                                 

Ask your Guide!

People, it's a go!  I asked our Philomath Montessori families if they would enjoy an opportunity during our coronavirus closure to make inquiries of their Philomath Montessori guides, Jessica and myself, regarding activities they would like to do at home, setting up their environments, sibling issues, routines, etc.  Even philosophical questions are welcome.  It got a resounding response.  I will respond to one of these responses before I am away from my computer (in a safe and sanitary location, I assure you) until Monday.

Additionally, I encourage all of you with kids at home, regardless of age, to do your best to provide them with a clean, vacant table or desk top at a comfortable height for them to sit at.  At school, we discourage kids from sitting on their knees for safety reasons; if you start to tip over, your feet are not free to jump out and save yourself!  But every family has their own resources and ways of doing things, no?

  I also recommend a place on the floor for activities that lend themselves to this.  Parents may consider limiting the amount of space you allow your child to claim on the floor.  This prevents the whole house from becoming a "work in progress" and keeps a limit on the area that your child has to clean up from time to time, preventing it from becoming an overwhelming mess.  Having to put away some of the items in the work area to make room for others gives the child practice in making important choices and incorporating the concept of limits into their very being.  How will your child claim their space?  Will it be an area rug?  an area that is taped off to show the limits? a general idea (all the space between the coffee table and the TV)?   What will you come up with?  Now onto our first parent query?!  How exciting!!

Dear Guide,
What activities would you recommend for my young child who is interested in numbers? 

Gentle Parent,

What a great question!  Thank you!  Numeracy, Literacy's numerical counterpart, is so important.  Since every wee one is on a different level with their numeracy, let's start at the beginning.  The most important part of literacy and numeracy for young ones is "language in the air," remembering that mathematics is a language.  So talk about numbers when you are following a recipe or traveling a distance, for example.  Count things!  When a child is saying numbers aloud, we do not call that counting.  That is chanting or reciting and that is important, too.   I'll bet you  do that all the time in the car or when you are waiting your turn in line somewhere.  Counting, though, is assigning a number to something.  "Let's count all the dining room chairs.  Now let's count all the chairs in the house.  Let's count all your stuffed animals."  So we are counting, really counting, and learning about categories.  Now let's play a Bring Me Game.  "Bring me 6 pencils."  When she brings them in her hand or basket or bucket or deep tray, count them one by one.  "one, two, three, four, five.  You brought me 5 pencils.  Can you go back and bring me 6?"  See how the mistake was a fun way to extend the learning?  "One, two, three, four, five, six.  You brought me 6 pencils.  Can you take them back?  No?  Let's go together!  Now, can you bring me 4 puzzle pieces?"   And on it goes as long as it is fun for Junior. 

Is your child interested in those squiggly marks that mean certain amounts?  Those are actually called numerals, but I call them numbers, too.  We can learn these much as we were learning/playing with letters in the first coronavirus post.  Choose 3 numerals to focus on that look and sound different from each other.  I like to keep 6 and 9 in separate lessons, maybe 4 and 5 because they both start with "f." No biggie, though.  Have fun writing them in chalk, in sand, on a white board - preferably something that is easily erased, because the fun part is your child working, when they want to, on perfecting how they make the numeral.  They can begin by writing right over the top of the numeral that you made, over and over, layer and layer of chalk approximately over the numeral you wrote.  Each time you write or show the numeral, say it's name.  Encourage your child to speak it's name aloud each time they write or trace it. 

Some kids will not be ready for this.  They would do better to trace shapes with their pointer finger and their middle finger, straight out and touching each other with the thumb holding the other two fingers down on the palm (rather like a peace sign, but with the fingers touching).  They can trace around geometric shapes or puzzle pieces , large letters in a book or, when interested, right over a large numeral you have written on a 3x5 notecard for them.  There is a right way to trace and write numerals and it is from the top down.  That makes it pretty self explanatory except for 4.  We start on the top left line, go down, turning it to the right.  We lift our fingers and place them at the top on the right to make the final downstroke.  9 starts on the upper right, go left to make the circle, then without lifting your fingers, do the stem in a downstroke.  Does that make sense? 

Please remember, Gentle Parent, that these activities are only for kids who want to do them joyfully.  When they become interested, most kids can learn these lickety-split by using their Will.  That Will develops at a later age, though, so until it does, we have to rely on LOVE of the subject matter. 

I will sign off for now, not wishing to overstay my welcome.  Until next time, Gentle Parent, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Greetings, Philomath Montessori Community and Beyond!

          I thought that today, being a holiday, I would present you with a lighthearted entry to make you smile.  Here's one thing sure to make you smile.  I committed to myself to volunteer each morning this week at Safehaven Humane Society's cat room before heading to work as they are short on volunteers due to people prudently staying home.    On Friday, the cat room was full.  Not over-full.  Not overflowing, like it sometimes can be, but full.  Imagine my surprise when I showed up early Monday morning to clean and there were very few cats there!  My services were not needed so I headed on into school.  My theory is that people knew they would be holing up at home for a while and it would be a perfect time to welcome and to be entertained by a new furry family member. Even Elmer the rabbit, who was an old favorite of mine, went home!   Safehaven is usually open from noon until 5 or 6 pm, seven days per week.  Given the situation, I would call ahead or check their website to make sure they are still open to the public.  I will go in again Wednesday morning to see what's happening.  Just for fun, I am sending you the daily journal of a sweet family who shall remain anonymous:


Coronavirus self-quarantine day 1:

We are all in good spirits.  We have limited our media exposure until after the kids are in bed.  This allows us all to be present and lessens our anxiety, rather than having CNN blaring in the background all day long like my parents, in their Geriatric Fortress of Solitude, as they call it, are doing.  We just bring groceries and Ensure to their front porch and visit with them briefly through the closed dining room window behind the camellias where they never venture.  Seems safe. The 3 year old has peed on the camellias a lot.  I hope that's okay. 

One of us made a run to the store while the other planned a sanitization protocol with the kids.  The adult will sanitize their hands in the car and wash hands before and after unloading supplies, then wipe off the kitchen counter, door handles and handrail up to the porch.  Grocery bags will be washed in hottest water. 

Day 2:
The kids are refusing to eat because they're "afraid of germs from the outside world."  Where do they get this stuff?  We've had to do a lot of de-programming today.  The 9 year old did some internet research on pre and pro-biotics while Mom and Dad put on a sock puppet show for the youngers entitled "Kim Chee and the Good Bugs."  The 9 year old cut to the chase by saying "some germs are good germs and your boogers were always disgusting." 

Day 3:
The glitter.  Oh, my word, the glitter.  We have used up all our Qtips removing it from various orifices.  So many different orifices.  We did not get it all. 

Day 4:
We've regrouped.  The house still looks like a strip club, but we've engaged the children in joining us in Spring Cleaning.  We're taking it one room at a time so we can all be together. 

Day 5:
We've dispersed ourselves to separate rooms today.  The ringing in my ears from yesterday's din has nearly stopped.  I was able to hear most of Grandma's FaceTime.  She's 78 and completely alone in Minnesota for 9 days now......... Lucky old woman. 

Day 6:
I've decided the virus would probably reach the Mayan Riviera no matter how badly I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS PARTICULAR FAMILY so I unpacked my bag and rejoined them in the living room.  They were playing paper plate ice rink to Waldteufel's "The Skater's Waltz" on the carpet and with the glitter popping up in their wakes it was just magical.  The 5 year old was wrist deep in his nostril so I'm cautiously optimistic that we're over our collective germophobia..

Day 7:
Since someone must pay for $350 hand sanitizer, I am "working remotely" which isn't remotely working with 2 of the kids under the table playing "submarine."  My legs are evidently the periscopes through which they are peering at all the imaginary marine life as they both have an eye socket on each of my kneecaps. 

I wonder if my cubicle misses me. 

               Aren't they sweet?  Take care, everyone.  Let's ask our elderly neighbors if they need anything before heading to the store.  As I write this, I know you already are! 

All the Luck o' the Irish to ye!
Doni

Coronavirus Shut-down March, 2020

As I write this from a completely empty school and church building after having sanitized the keyboard and desk top, I am feeling cut off and isolated from my beloved Philomath Montessori Community.  I'm sure we are all going to be feeling similarly to a greater or lesser degree from time to time as we are responsibly isolating for the good of our community, particularly our cherished elders. I may feel more apart than some of you as I choose not to be on Facebook or any social media and now I realize that there is a negative consequence to that choice.

 As we are more inconvenienced as the weeks wear on, we may find it in us to remember those who are worse off than ourselves; those who are truly alone, unlike we fortunates who are surrounded by our families; those who are unhoused and have no choice but to crowd together, feeling unsafe; those whose paychecks were not in hand when the alarm sounded and were unable to find important, necessary items when they had money to buy them.  This is what I tell myself when I am feeling a bit put out and it really puts things in perspective.

But it's easier for me.  I will be isolating at home with my husband only and although I do need to hound him as if he were a recalcitrant preschooler to wash his hands as soon as he comes in the door, still, there is only one of him.  And he cooks.

You, now, you who find yourselves at home with not one, not two, but at least 3 weeks and perhaps longer of quality togetherness and hang time at home with your children of varying ages, you are folks who give me pause.  Firstly, I want you to know that Jessica, Rachel, Christi and I are holding you in our hearts.  We cheer you on.  And I'm sure some of you are staring non-plussed at your screen thinking my sympathy is wasted on you, you are just fine, thank you very much, you welcome this opportunity to get creative at home with your darlings.  Indeed, I shall not waste my sympathies on you, you lucky, lucky duck.  The following is for everyone else.

It is my hope to offer here some ideas to help families make the most of and take the most pleasure from their enforced time at home, away from their usual playmates and companions.  Some of this will be unhelpful.  Those tips were clearly meant for Someone Else.  Here we go now:

* If your child/ren are deeply engaged in an activity that is positive, don't interrupt it.  Much like you don't wake a sleeping baby.  Your child is in a period of concentration right now.  This period and the period of rest/play/sociability that follows it is when the brain is building and organizing itself.  Let's look at reasons a parent might want to interrupt the activity:
   Perhaps the parent feels they can somehow help it to go better, help with a challenge, avoid a conflict, etc.  I advise the parent to retreat to a respectful distance and wait to be asked for help.  If your child is one who asks for help too readily and gives up without any perseverance, retreat to an even greater distance.  A child without immediate assistance will often rely on themselves.
   Perhaps there is a task that your child needs to do.  They did not accomplish an assigned task from earlier, or there is an upcoming chore they must attend to.  I advise this parent to wait, if possible, for the child to break their own cycle of activity and bring these important responsibilities to the child's attention then.  Of course, dinner cannot be put off until 9:00 because Junior won't look up from the Legos!  This isn't France.  We eat early here!
  Another reason you might be tempted to interrupt your child?  You love her.  You want to share a story or bit of family news with him. They are having so much fun you want to be a part of it.   The truth is, our kids are never more attractive to us as when they are in their element, their Horme is flowing normally and they are fulfilling their divinely mandated mission to create an adult.  Isn't it true that we all are at our most magnetic when we are engaged in something that we are passionate about?  I met my husband when I was the lead in LBCC's production of the musical "Mame!"  That poor guy didn't stand a chance!

*Use this time at home to create a wonderful space.  Again, for those of you who already have this on lock, please scroll down.  Families could approach this in a number of ways because every family is different:
   Maybe your family would like to honor the tradition of spring cleaning.  A parent or older sibling could research and tell a true story about how this was once a necessity (coal, fireplace, candle and oil lamp soot) and how it is a spiritual practice for many (Muslims for Ramadan, Jews for Passover, etc) and it makes a fresh start for spring.
  Spring cleaning might be best to do one room at a time so that the entire house is not up-ended.  Remember, you have lots of uninterrupted time these days, so let go of your usual urge to rush and be done with the job.  Be present with your kids.  Approach the task as if there is nothing to be done after this.  There is no reward for being done.  There is nothing better than this - returning things to their proper place, placing in a box the unwanted items,  cobwebbing the ceilings, wiping down the walls and baseboards, dusting the legs and sides of the furniture (I usually just get the tops) vacuuming the upholstery, laundering the throws and rag rugs, mopping the floor.  The little ones work down low.  You and the older kid are up on the ladder.
   Junior has a bucket with very little water in it.  You have shown her how to squeeze the excess water out of his sponge or rag which is cut down to a size they can squish up in their little fist. You have supervised him closely until you know he has the hang of this.  You don't want her dripping all over the house, right?  Be aware, this is a social activity.  You are all in the same room most of the time.  This is a great time to let your kids express and express.  You know they love it.  It will make it much more fun for them.  Are they not being very effective?  That's okay.  I'll bet you are getting lots done while they prattle on and walk about aimlessly with their sponge.  Have lots of dry rags nearby for cleaning up spills.
   Maybe your family's idea of a creating a wonderful space is to finally inventory, assess, purge and organize!  Again, I recommend a one-room-at-a-time approach.  Or a one-drawer-at-a-time approach.   One-closet-at-a-time approach.  Small manageable goals keep people feeling successful and not overwhelmed.  Remember to maintain your Friendliness with Error.  Nothing is discovered without many, many mistakes.  Nothing of difficulty is learned without many mistakes.  People who feel that mistakes are bad, evil, unwelcome will not take the necessary risks to move forward in life or in their development.  It's too scary!  How paralyzing.  Certainly there are times we must take our kids to task, but when we penalize them with our words and our tone and our sternest facial expressions, it should not be for their innocent mistakes while trying.  

*Keep practicing your schoolwork!  Is your child writing on paper yet?  Ask your 5 or 6 year old if they use the moveable alphabet.  Do they copy their words from the moveable alphabet rug onto a chalkboard?  Do they ever write it down on paper?   If your child writes at school here at PhMS, they are writing in cursive.  Please post a model of the lower case cursive letters on the wall or on your child's work surface where they can see it while writing.  Do this for all the kids while we are away from school.  You can find images online to print or copy by hand.  See how they are on the lines?  This is good for the kids to see.  Let's talk about how this can be used by different ages:
     
          ~ 3-4 year olds ~  Pick 3 letters to "work on"  Pick 3 that have very different sounds and look very different from each other.  Maybe 2 consonants and 1 vowel, perhaps "t" "a" and "m."  Use the phonetic sounds, not the letter names, please.  This is much more helpful in building up towards literacy.  You can find these sounds online.  Play games!  Make it fun and gay and do it only when your child really, really wants to.  This is a "get to," not a "have to."  On a scrap of paper or a post-it note, write one of your 3 sounds.  Give it to the child to hold. Go on a walk to find all the things in your house or neighborhood that start with that sound.  Maybe your child hears the sound in the middle or the end of some words. Yay!  You are exploring the world for this sound.  Does your little one have a sandbox?  Maybe she will want to form it in the sand with a stick.  Maybe he will write it on a chalkboard or on the sidewalk with chalk or on paper with a crayon. If your child is under the age of 4.5, they have most likely not worked with pencils here at school.  We hold off for quite a while as we ready their hand to be successful with pencil and not develop a poor grip.  When it seems that your child knows one of these letters and tells you the sound it says without you having modeled it for her that day, (He says "that says mmm" when he points to the letter m) you pick a new letter to start learning.
      Invite your child to place his 3 letters written on scraps in plain sight on different pieces of furniture.  Command her, "bring me the 'puh'!"  When she does so, she can put it in a new place and bring you a different sound.
     Play "I Spy!"  Gather up 10 small objects your child knows the names of - ball, spoon, heart, key, penny, ribbon, Lego, dog, kitty, basket.  Place one object in front of the child, for example,  the spoon.  Say, "I spy something that starts with 's'."  He will say "spoon."  Now we make it a little harder.  Place two objects in front of the child, i.e. the ball and the heart.  "I spy something that starts with 'buh'."  Perhaps he errs and guesses "heart."  Say, "no!" with the same smile and enthusiasm with which you would have said "yes!" had he gotten it right, because mistakes are such an exciting and vital part of learning.  Take away the heart and offer just the ball.  "I spy something that starts with 'buh'."  "Ball."     When two choices becomes easy, increase to 3 or 4 choices.  When beginning sounds become easy, try playing with the ending sounds.  "I spy something that ends with "ee".  Yes, key!"  This is one variation of a game with endless variations.  Have fun finding them.

     ~5-6 year olds ~ Most of the kids of this age in our classroom are writing on paper now.  Having that model of their cursive letters will assist them in remembering some of the trickier ones.  Maybe our kids would like to write to each other!  Have them fill a lined sheet of notebook paper with their thoughts, even over several days.  Don't send it unless it's full.  Stamps are over 50 cents!

     Most importantly, realize that it is up to you, the parents, to determine how this period of isolation and social distancing will be experienced and remembered by your child.  If the news is on continually and you yourselves are emanating worry and stress, this will replicated by your child/ren. If you make the best of this situation and see it as an opportunity to have unscheduled, unstructured time at home with your little ones, they may look back on some of the best memories of their childhoods.  It is true that this crisis will be a hardship on many.  As we look out for our neighbors, let us not feel any guilt about enjoying the silver linings this storm may bring.

Yours in social distancing,
Doni