These are uncertain times, friends. It makes it hard to imagine what life will be like in the next several months. It is stressful when there are so many unknowns and it is difficult to make plans. Once before in my life, my husband and I were separated, on and off, for about 3 or 4 years. I was in a position where I could not see my future clearly. It took some getting used to, but I learned to live without knowing the future, as if I ever had. I learned to live in the present for long stretches of time and I found peace. A friend of a friend of mine is from war-torn Cameroon in western Africa. From his perspective, the rest of the world is now getting a taste of what he and his peers have lived with their entire lives - scarcity of basic goods and services, lack of medical care, isolation indoors because it is too dangerous to go out, exile from home, fear and uncertainty. Dr. Montessori said, "Education is a work of self-organization by which man adapts himself to the conditions of life." Adaptation is one of the Human Tendencies that have allowed humankind to endure and thrive. Our education continues as we adapt ourselves to these new conditions.
Meanwhile, some parents of our Philomath Montessori School community have been reaching out to say that they are really enjoying this time at home with their kids. Thank you, Jessica, for providing our families, via email, with some great "homeschooling with Montessori" resources and thanks to the parents who have shared some great stories and pics with the Philomath Montessori Facebook group. Join them and keep up with their adventures. It is fun to see what parents and kids are doing at home. Now, let's reach into the mailbag and see what folks are wondering about today. Here's one:
Dearest Guide,
My son is a fledgling reader and is getting really good at sounding out individual phonetic words of a few letters in length. Many of the beginning-reader books we have contain a lot of "sight words" such as was, she, the, one and you, for example, that cannot be sounded out. Should I be teaching him how to read these words?
Sincerely,
Excited Amateur Educator
Gentle Parent,
What a great question! The short answer is, yes, it's time to learn what we call "puzzle words" and I will tell you the very best way to do it. But first, a history lesson! Did you know that Dr. Montessori pretty much invented the concept of" "reading without books?" Think what a boon this was to education back in those days when books were rare luxuries (and still are in many homes and schools.) Isn't this a boon to us with all the libraries and schools closed? In the Prepared Environment, our children, once they have been writing a good long while, spontaneously begin reading. We then provide them with many opportunities to read without ever cracking a book. A book can be very intimidating and, as our Gentle Parent discloses, can be full of non-phonetic words and unknown subject matter. Children are invariably more successful at reading something which they already know about, full of familiar words and ideas. So we give them objects that they know the names of, that are phonetic and words written on paper labels to read and match to the objects. Often these objects are in a basket. Sometimes they are objects that are part of our Casa dei Bambini, as a Montessori classroom was originally named. Words like "bell," "plant," "basket," "hat," etc allow a child to practice reading and gain skills and confidence as she places labels next to the appropriate item in her casa. This concept can be extended to writing commands for the child to read, then act out, like " grab a hat" or labeling sensorial qualities in the environment like "short" or "salty" or "heavy." There is much, much reading that can be done, and is best done, without books.
We have in our environment ten packets of ten words, each printed on their own separate card. If one learns all of these "puzzle words" one will know 100 words that they can read, not by sounding them out, but by recognition. When not knowing these words become an obstacle to your child's reading, it is time to introduce them. We do this via the famous "3 Period Lesson." This is the technique by which we impart new vocabulary, such as the names of geometric shapes, names of tools, animals or vegetables or even the phonetic sounds of the sandpaper letters. Just as the name suggests, it is done in 3 periods. It is done in the spirit of a game.
In the First Period the teacher introduces the new vocabulary by naming the objects. 3 is usually a good number to be learned at once. Not too many to master, nor too few to challenge. In the case of puzzle words, one would have 3 cards (you could use 3x5 cards) that each have a word written on them in PRINT. That's important. Cursive is for writing, but virtually effortlessly, children who have been writing for months in cursive can transfer their knowledge of sounds and are able to read in print. Most of what we read in life is in print. You can choose 3 words that would be helpful for your child to know. Let's select "the" "I" and "was" for our first lesson. Introduce the concept of the puzzle word to begin. The lesson might go something like this:
"You can sound out words, right? But some words cannot be sounded out, because when you do, they make no sense. We call them puzzle words. And we can learn to read them anyway. This word is "the." This is how you read it. (Teacher looks at the card and says "the") Now you do it. Yes. Let's use it in a sentence. The mouse ate the cheese. You think of a sentence with "the" in it. (The child says one. The teacher sets this card aside, face down.) Now this one is "I." You read it. No, don't try to sound it out. It won't make sense. Just look at it and say "I." Yes. Now tell me a sentence with "I" in it. (Teacher sets aside this card and introduces "was" in the same way. That is the First Period - naming the vocabulary to be learned.
In the Second Period, it gets really fun. The teacher issues a series of commands requiring the child to hear the word, reach for the object named and perform a task with it. Sometimes the child is required to say the names of the objects. It may sound something like this:
Put "the" here. Touch "was." Point to "I." Knock on "was." Tickle "the." Turn all the cards face down. Can you find "was?" Let me turn one over. Is this "I" or "the?" (Now the child gets to say the word.) Give me "was." Give me "the." I'm hiding them behind my back! Pick a hand. (The teacher shows one card.) Is this "the" or "was?" Pick another hand. Is this "the" or "was?" Stand up and take "I" to the coffee table. Leave it there. Put "was" on the arm of the couch. Put "the" under Daddy's chair. Bring me "I." Bring me "the." Bring me "was." And the game goes on and on as long as it is fun and engaging. And when your child errs and reaches for the wrong word? Tell them so tactfully and factfully ( I made up that word for catchiness!) Say, "that is 'was'." Can you find "the?" Put "the" here. Put "the" here. Tap "the." Put "the" here. Kids find it a fun surprise when you do a succession of commands with the same word at times. If your child is following your commands confidently and indicating that they have learned and remembered the new vocabulary, you can go on to the next step. If they seem unsure and make many errors, stay at this level, playing games as long as it is fun and engaging, then end the activity.
In the Third Period, we ask the child to demonstrate her knowledge. "What is this? What is this? What is this?" the teacher asks of each new word, giving the child time to answer. If they do not answer or answer wrongly, supply the correct information. "That word is "was" just as cheerfully as if they had said it correctly. At this point, one can go back to the First Period and begin playing again, end the activity or learn one, two or three new puzzle words. If the child named one correctly, get one new word. If they named two correctly, bring out two more. If they named them all correctly, learn 3 new words if the child wants to. After learning these 3, review all of the words you worked on. Maybe review them again in a few hours and several times during the day so they stick. Keep learning and reviewing as days go by. I think you could web search "common sight words for beginning readers" or something like that to generate a list of words to learn or just pick them out as you and your child encounter them during your read aloud time. Turn each word into a card and keep them all together or organize them into sets of ten. None of the words is more important than another so it matters not in which order your child learns them. Enjoy this new stage of reading with your child, Gentle Parent! The doors just keep on opening from here! Wishing your child further joyful learning, I remain,
Your Guide,
Doni
Monday, March 23, 2020
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Ask your Guide!
People, it's a go! I asked our Philomath Montessori families if they would enjoy an opportunity during our coronavirus closure to make inquiries of their Philomath Montessori guides, Jessica and myself, regarding activities they would like to do at home, setting up their environments, sibling issues, routines, etc. Even philosophical questions are welcome. It got a resounding response. I will respond to one of these responses before I am away from my computer (in a safe and sanitary location, I assure you) until Monday.
Additionally, I encourage all of you with kids at home, regardless of age, to do your best to provide them with a clean, vacant table or desk top at a comfortable height for them to sit at. At school, we discourage kids from sitting on their knees for safety reasons; if you start to tip over, your feet are not free to jump out and save yourself! But every family has their own resources and ways of doing things, no?
I also recommend a place on the floor for activities that lend themselves to this. Parents may consider limiting the amount of space you allow your child to claim on the floor. This prevents the whole house from becoming a "work in progress" and keeps a limit on the area that your child has to clean up from time to time, preventing it from becoming an overwhelming mess. Having to put away some of the items in the work area to make room for others gives the child practice in making important choices and incorporating the concept of limits into their very being. How will your child claim their space? Will it be an area rug? an area that is taped off to show the limits? a general idea (all the space between the coffee table and the TV)? What will you come up with? Now onto our first parent query?! How exciting!!
Dear Guide,
What activities would you recommend for my young child who is interested in numbers?
Gentle Parent,
What a great question! Thank you! Numeracy, Literacy's numerical counterpart, is so important. Since every wee one is on a different level with their numeracy, let's start at the beginning. The most important part of literacy and numeracy for young ones is "language in the air," remembering that mathematics is a language. So talk about numbers when you are following a recipe or traveling a distance, for example. Count things! When a child is saying numbers aloud, we do not call that counting. That is chanting or reciting and that is important, too. I'll bet you do that all the time in the car or when you are waiting your turn in line somewhere. Counting, though, is assigning a number to something. "Let's count all the dining room chairs. Now let's count all the chairs in the house. Let's count all your stuffed animals." So we are counting, really counting, and learning about categories. Now let's play a Bring Me Game. "Bring me 6 pencils." When she brings them in her hand or basket or bucket or deep tray, count them one by one. "one, two, three, four, five. You brought me 5 pencils. Can you go back and bring me 6?" See how the mistake was a fun way to extend the learning? "One, two, three, four, five, six. You brought me 6 pencils. Can you take them back? No? Let's go together! Now, can you bring me 4 puzzle pieces?" And on it goes as long as it is fun for Junior.
Is your child interested in those squiggly marks that mean certain amounts? Those are actually called numerals, but I call them numbers, too. We can learn these much as we were learning/playing with letters in the first coronavirus post. Choose 3 numerals to focus on that look and sound different from each other. I like to keep 6 and 9 in separate lessons, maybe 4 and 5 because they both start with "f." No biggie, though. Have fun writing them in chalk, in sand, on a white board - preferably something that is easily erased, because the fun part is your child working, when they want to, on perfecting how they make the numeral. They can begin by writing right over the top of the numeral that you made, over and over, layer and layer of chalk approximately over the numeral you wrote. Each time you write or show the numeral, say it's name. Encourage your child to speak it's name aloud each time they write or trace it.
Some kids will not be ready for this. They would do better to trace shapes with their pointer finger and their middle finger, straight out and touching each other with the thumb holding the other two fingers down on the palm (rather like a peace sign, but with the fingers touching). They can trace around geometric shapes or puzzle pieces , large letters in a book or, when interested, right over a large numeral you have written on a 3x5 notecard for them. There is a right way to trace and write numerals and it is from the top down. That makes it pretty self explanatory except for 4. We start on the top left line, go down, turning it to the right. We lift our fingers and place them at the top on the right to make the final downstroke. 9 starts on the upper right, go left to make the circle, then without lifting your fingers, do the stem in a downstroke. Does that make sense?
Please remember, Gentle Parent, that these activities are only for kids who want to do them joyfully. When they become interested, most kids can learn these lickety-split by using their Will. That Will develops at a later age, though, so until it does, we have to rely on LOVE of the subject matter.
I will sign off for now, not wishing to overstay my welcome. Until next time, Gentle Parent, I remain,
Your Guide,
Doni
Additionally, I encourage all of you with kids at home, regardless of age, to do your best to provide them with a clean, vacant table or desk top at a comfortable height for them to sit at. At school, we discourage kids from sitting on their knees for safety reasons; if you start to tip over, your feet are not free to jump out and save yourself! But every family has their own resources and ways of doing things, no?
I also recommend a place on the floor for activities that lend themselves to this. Parents may consider limiting the amount of space you allow your child to claim on the floor. This prevents the whole house from becoming a "work in progress" and keeps a limit on the area that your child has to clean up from time to time, preventing it from becoming an overwhelming mess. Having to put away some of the items in the work area to make room for others gives the child practice in making important choices and incorporating the concept of limits into their very being. How will your child claim their space? Will it be an area rug? an area that is taped off to show the limits? a general idea (all the space between the coffee table and the TV)? What will you come up with? Now onto our first parent query?! How exciting!!
Dear Guide,
What activities would you recommend for my young child who is interested in numbers?
Gentle Parent,
What a great question! Thank you! Numeracy, Literacy's numerical counterpart, is so important. Since every wee one is on a different level with their numeracy, let's start at the beginning. The most important part of literacy and numeracy for young ones is "language in the air," remembering that mathematics is a language. So talk about numbers when you are following a recipe or traveling a distance, for example. Count things! When a child is saying numbers aloud, we do not call that counting. That is chanting or reciting and that is important, too. I'll bet you do that all the time in the car or when you are waiting your turn in line somewhere. Counting, though, is assigning a number to something. "Let's count all the dining room chairs. Now let's count all the chairs in the house. Let's count all your stuffed animals." So we are counting, really counting, and learning about categories. Now let's play a Bring Me Game. "Bring me 6 pencils." When she brings them in her hand or basket or bucket or deep tray, count them one by one. "one, two, three, four, five. You brought me 5 pencils. Can you go back and bring me 6?" See how the mistake was a fun way to extend the learning? "One, two, three, four, five, six. You brought me 6 pencils. Can you take them back? No? Let's go together! Now, can you bring me 4 puzzle pieces?" And on it goes as long as it is fun for Junior.
Is your child interested in those squiggly marks that mean certain amounts? Those are actually called numerals, but I call them numbers, too. We can learn these much as we were learning/playing with letters in the first coronavirus post. Choose 3 numerals to focus on that look and sound different from each other. I like to keep 6 and 9 in separate lessons, maybe 4 and 5 because they both start with "f." No biggie, though. Have fun writing them in chalk, in sand, on a white board - preferably something that is easily erased, because the fun part is your child working, when they want to, on perfecting how they make the numeral. They can begin by writing right over the top of the numeral that you made, over and over, layer and layer of chalk approximately over the numeral you wrote. Each time you write or show the numeral, say it's name. Encourage your child to speak it's name aloud each time they write or trace it.
Some kids will not be ready for this. They would do better to trace shapes with their pointer finger and their middle finger, straight out and touching each other with the thumb holding the other two fingers down on the palm (rather like a peace sign, but with the fingers touching). They can trace around geometric shapes or puzzle pieces , large letters in a book or, when interested, right over a large numeral you have written on a 3x5 notecard for them. There is a right way to trace and write numerals and it is from the top down. That makes it pretty self explanatory except for 4. We start on the top left line, go down, turning it to the right. We lift our fingers and place them at the top on the right to make the final downstroke. 9 starts on the upper right, go left to make the circle, then without lifting your fingers, do the stem in a downstroke. Does that make sense?
Please remember, Gentle Parent, that these activities are only for kids who want to do them joyfully. When they become interested, most kids can learn these lickety-split by using their Will. That Will develops at a later age, though, so until it does, we have to rely on LOVE of the subject matter.
I will sign off for now, not wishing to overstay my welcome. Until next time, Gentle Parent, I remain,
Your Guide,
Doni
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Happy St. Patrick's Day
Greetings, Philomath Montessori Community and Beyond!
I thought that today, being a holiday, I would present you with a lighthearted entry to make you smile. Here's one thing sure to make you smile. I committed to myself to volunteer each morning this week at Safehaven Humane Society's cat room before heading to work as they are short on volunteers due to people prudently staying home. On Friday, the cat room was full. Not over-full. Not overflowing, like it sometimes can be, but full. Imagine my surprise when I showed up early Monday morning to clean and there were very few cats there! My services were not needed so I headed on into school. My theory is that people knew they would be holing up at home for a while and it would be a perfect time to welcome and to be entertained by a new furry family member. Even Elmer the rabbit, who was an old favorite of mine, went home! Safehaven is usually open from noon until 5 or 6 pm, seven days per week. Given the situation, I would call ahead or check their website to make sure they are still open to the public. I will go in again Wednesday morning to see what's happening. Just for fun, I am sending you the daily journal of a sweet family who shall remain anonymous:
Coronavirus self-quarantine day 1:
We are all in good spirits. We have limited our media exposure until after the kids are in bed. This allows us all to be present and lessens our anxiety, rather than having CNN blaring in the background all day long like my parents, in their Geriatric Fortress of Solitude, as they call it, are doing. We just bring groceries and Ensure to their front porch and visit with them briefly through the closed dining room window behind the camellias where they never venture. Seems safe. The 3 year old has peed on the camellias a lot. I hope that's okay.
One of us made a run to the store while the other planned a sanitization protocol with the kids. The adult will sanitize their hands in the car and wash hands before and after unloading supplies, then wipe off the kitchen counter, door handles and handrail up to the porch. Grocery bags will be washed in hottest water.
Day 2:
The kids are refusing to eat because they're "afraid of germs from the outside world." Where do they get this stuff? We've had to do a lot of de-programming today. The 9 year old did some internet research on pre and pro-biotics while Mom and Dad put on a sock puppet show for the youngers entitled "Kim Chee and the Good Bugs." The 9 year old cut to the chase by saying "some germs are good germs and your boogers were always disgusting."
Day 3:
The glitter. Oh, my word, the glitter. We have used up all our Qtips removing it from various orifices. So many different orifices. We did not get it all.
Day 4:
We've regrouped. The house still looks like a strip club, but we've engaged the children in joining us in Spring Cleaning. We're taking it one room at a time so we can all be together.
Day 5:
We've dispersed ourselves to separate rooms today. The ringing in my ears from yesterday's din has nearly stopped. I was able to hear most of Grandma's FaceTime. She's 78 and completely alone in Minnesota for 9 days now......... Lucky old woman.
Day 6:
I've decided the virus would probably reach the Mayan Riviera no matter how badly I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS PARTICULAR FAMILY so I unpacked my bag and rejoined them in the living room. They were playing paper plate ice rink to Waldteufel's "The Skater's Waltz" on the carpet and with the glitter popping up in their wakes it was just magical. The 5 year old was wrist deep in his nostril so I'm cautiously optimistic that we're over our collective germophobia..
Day 7:
Since someone must pay for $350 hand sanitizer, I am "working remotely" which isn't remotely working with 2 of the kids under the table playing "submarine." My legs are evidently the periscopes through which they are peering at all the imaginary marine life as they both have an eye socket on each of my kneecaps.
I wonder if my cubicle misses me.
Aren't they sweet? Take care, everyone. Let's ask our elderly neighbors if they need anything before heading to the store. As I write this, I know you already are!
All the Luck o' the Irish to ye!
Doni
I thought that today, being a holiday, I would present you with a lighthearted entry to make you smile. Here's one thing sure to make you smile. I committed to myself to volunteer each morning this week at Safehaven Humane Society's cat room before heading to work as they are short on volunteers due to people prudently staying home. On Friday, the cat room was full. Not over-full. Not overflowing, like it sometimes can be, but full. Imagine my surprise when I showed up early Monday morning to clean and there were very few cats there! My services were not needed so I headed on into school. My theory is that people knew they would be holing up at home for a while and it would be a perfect time to welcome and to be entertained by a new furry family member. Even Elmer the rabbit, who was an old favorite of mine, went home! Safehaven is usually open from noon until 5 or 6 pm, seven days per week. Given the situation, I would call ahead or check their website to make sure they are still open to the public. I will go in again Wednesday morning to see what's happening. Just for fun, I am sending you the daily journal of a sweet family who shall remain anonymous:
Coronavirus self-quarantine day 1:
We are all in good spirits. We have limited our media exposure until after the kids are in bed. This allows us all to be present and lessens our anxiety, rather than having CNN blaring in the background all day long like my parents, in their Geriatric Fortress of Solitude, as they call it, are doing. We just bring groceries and Ensure to their front porch and visit with them briefly through the closed dining room window behind the camellias where they never venture. Seems safe. The 3 year old has peed on the camellias a lot. I hope that's okay.
One of us made a run to the store while the other planned a sanitization protocol with the kids. The adult will sanitize their hands in the car and wash hands before and after unloading supplies, then wipe off the kitchen counter, door handles and handrail up to the porch. Grocery bags will be washed in hottest water.
Day 2:
The kids are refusing to eat because they're "afraid of germs from the outside world." Where do they get this stuff? We've had to do a lot of de-programming today. The 9 year old did some internet research on pre and pro-biotics while Mom and Dad put on a sock puppet show for the youngers entitled "Kim Chee and the Good Bugs." The 9 year old cut to the chase by saying "some germs are good germs and your boogers were always disgusting."
Day 3:
The glitter. Oh, my word, the glitter. We have used up all our Qtips removing it from various orifices. So many different orifices. We did not get it all.
Day 4:
We've regrouped. The house still looks like a strip club, but we've engaged the children in joining us in Spring Cleaning. We're taking it one room at a time so we can all be together.
Day 5:
We've dispersed ourselves to separate rooms today. The ringing in my ears from yesterday's din has nearly stopped. I was able to hear most of Grandma's FaceTime. She's 78 and completely alone in Minnesota for 9 days now......... Lucky old woman.
Day 6:
I've decided the virus would probably reach the Mayan Riviera no matter how badly I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS PARTICULAR FAMILY so I unpacked my bag and rejoined them in the living room. They were playing paper plate ice rink to Waldteufel's "The Skater's Waltz" on the carpet and with the glitter popping up in their wakes it was just magical. The 5 year old was wrist deep in his nostril so I'm cautiously optimistic that we're over our collective germophobia..
Day 7:
Since someone must pay for $350 hand sanitizer, I am "working remotely" which isn't remotely working with 2 of the kids under the table playing "submarine." My legs are evidently the periscopes through which they are peering at all the imaginary marine life as they both have an eye socket on each of my kneecaps.
I wonder if my cubicle misses me.
Aren't they sweet? Take care, everyone. Let's ask our elderly neighbors if they need anything before heading to the store. As I write this, I know you already are!
All the Luck o' the Irish to ye!
Doni
Monday, March 16, 2020
Coronavirus Shut-down March, 2020
As I write this from a completely empty school and church building after having sanitized the keyboard and desk top, I am feeling cut off and isolated from my beloved Philomath Montessori Community. I'm sure we are all going to be feeling similarly to a greater or lesser degree from time to time as we are responsibly isolating for the good of our community, particularly our cherished elders. I may feel more apart than some of you as I choose not to be on Facebook or any social media and now I realize that there is a negative consequence to that choice.
As we are more inconvenienced as the weeks wear on, we may find it in us to remember those who are worse off than ourselves; those who are truly alone, unlike we fortunates who are surrounded by our families; those who are unhoused and have no choice but to crowd together, feeling unsafe; those whose paychecks were not in hand when the alarm sounded and were unable to find important, necessary items when they had money to buy them. This is what I tell myself when I am feeling a bit put out and it really puts things in perspective.
But it's easier for me. I will be isolating at home with my husband only and although I do need to hound him as if he were a recalcitrant preschooler to wash his hands as soon as he comes in the door, still, there is only one of him. And he cooks.
You, now, you who find yourselves at home with not one, not two, but at least 3 weeks and perhaps longer of quality togetherness and hang time at home with your children of varying ages, you are folks who give me pause. Firstly, I want you to know that Jessica, Rachel, Christi and I are holding you in our hearts. We cheer you on. And I'm sure some of you are staring non-plussed at your screen thinking my sympathy is wasted on you, you are just fine, thank you very much, you welcome this opportunity to get creative at home with your darlings. Indeed, I shall not waste my sympathies on you, you lucky, lucky duck. The following is for everyone else.
It is my hope to offer here some ideas to help families make the most of and take the most pleasure from their enforced time at home, away from their usual playmates and companions. Some of this will be unhelpful. Those tips were clearly meant for Someone Else. Here we go now:
* If your child/ren are deeply engaged in an activity that is positive, don't interrupt it. Much like you don't wake a sleeping baby. Your child is in a period of concentration right now. This period and the period of rest/play/sociability that follows it is when the brain is building and organizing itself. Let's look at reasons a parent might want to interrupt the activity:
Perhaps the parent feels they can somehow help it to go better, help with a challenge, avoid a conflict, etc. I advise the parent to retreat to a respectful distance and wait to be asked for help. If your child is one who asks for help too readily and gives up without any perseverance, retreat to an even greater distance. A child without immediate assistance will often rely on themselves.
Perhaps there is a task that your child needs to do. They did not accomplish an assigned task from earlier, or there is an upcoming chore they must attend to. I advise this parent to wait, if possible, for the child to break their own cycle of activity and bring these important responsibilities to the child's attention then. Of course, dinner cannot be put off until 9:00 because Junior won't look up from the Legos! This isn't France. We eat early here!
Another reason you might be tempted to interrupt your child? You love her. You want to share a story or bit of family news with him. They are having so much fun you want to be a part of it. The truth is, our kids are never more attractive to us as when they are in their element, their Horme is flowing normally and they are fulfilling their divinely mandated mission to create an adult. Isn't it true that we all are at our most magnetic when we are engaged in something that we are passionate about? I met my husband when I was the lead in LBCC's production of the musical "Mame!" That poor guy didn't stand a chance!
*Use this time at home to create a wonderful space. Again, for those of you who already have this on lock, please scroll down. Families could approach this in a number of ways because every family is different:
Maybe your family would like to honor the tradition of spring cleaning. A parent or older sibling could research and tell a true story about how this was once a necessity (coal, fireplace, candle and oil lamp soot) and how it is a spiritual practice for many (Muslims for Ramadan, Jews for Passover, etc) and it makes a fresh start for spring.
Spring cleaning might be best to do one room at a time so that the entire house is not up-ended. Remember, you have lots of uninterrupted time these days, so let go of your usual urge to rush and be done with the job. Be present with your kids. Approach the task as if there is nothing to be done after this. There is no reward for being done. There is nothing better than this - returning things to their proper place, placing in a box the unwanted items, cobwebbing the ceilings, wiping down the walls and baseboards, dusting the legs and sides of the furniture (I usually just get the tops) vacuuming the upholstery, laundering the throws and rag rugs, mopping the floor. The little ones work down low. You and the older kid are up on the ladder.
Junior has a bucket with very little water in it. You have shown her how to squeeze the excess water out of his sponge or rag which is cut down to a size they can squish up in their little fist. You have supervised him closely until you know he has the hang of this. You don't want her dripping all over the house, right? Be aware, this is a social activity. You are all in the same room most of the time. This is a great time to let your kids express and express. You know they love it. It will make it much more fun for them. Are they not being very effective? That's okay. I'll bet you are getting lots done while they prattle on and walk about aimlessly with their sponge. Have lots of dry rags nearby for cleaning up spills.
Maybe your family's idea of a creating a wonderful space is to finally inventory, assess, purge and organize! Again, I recommend a one-room-at-a-time approach. Or a one-drawer-at-a-time approach. One-closet-at-a-time approach. Small manageable goals keep people feeling successful and not overwhelmed. Remember to maintain your Friendliness with Error. Nothing is discovered without many, many mistakes. Nothing of difficulty is learned without many mistakes. People who feel that mistakes are bad, evil, unwelcome will not take the necessary risks to move forward in life or in their development. It's too scary! How paralyzing. Certainly there are times we must take our kids to task, but when we penalize them with our words and our tone and our sternest facial expressions, it should not be for their innocent mistakes while trying.
*Keep practicing your schoolwork! Is your child writing on paper yet? Ask your 5 or 6 year old if they use the moveable alphabet. Do they copy their words from the moveable alphabet rug onto a chalkboard? Do they ever write it down on paper? If your child writes at school here at PhMS, they are writing in cursive. Please post a model of the lower case cursive letters on the wall or on your child's work surface where they can see it while writing. Do this for all the kids while we are away from school. You can find images online to print or copy by hand. See how they are on the lines? This is good for the kids to see. Let's talk about how this can be used by different ages:
~ 3-4 year olds ~ Pick 3 letters to "work on" Pick 3 that have very different sounds and look very different from each other. Maybe 2 consonants and 1 vowel, perhaps "t" "a" and "m." Use the phonetic sounds, not the letter names, please. This is much more helpful in building up towards literacy. You can find these sounds online. Play games! Make it fun and gay and do it only when your child really, really wants to. This is a "get to," not a "have to." On a scrap of paper or a post-it note, write one of your 3 sounds. Give it to the child to hold. Go on a walk to find all the things in your house or neighborhood that start with that sound. Maybe your child hears the sound in the middle or the end of some words. Yay! You are exploring the world for this sound. Does your little one have a sandbox? Maybe she will want to form it in the sand with a stick. Maybe he will write it on a chalkboard or on the sidewalk with chalk or on paper with a crayon. If your child is under the age of 4.5, they have most likely not worked with pencils here at school. We hold off for quite a while as we ready their hand to be successful with pencil and not develop a poor grip. When it seems that your child knows one of these letters and tells you the sound it says without you having modeled it for her that day, (He says "that says mmm" when he points to the letter m) you pick a new letter to start learning.
Invite your child to place his 3 letters written on scraps in plain sight on different pieces of furniture. Command her, "bring me the 'puh'!" When she does so, she can put it in a new place and bring you a different sound.
Play "I Spy!" Gather up 10 small objects your child knows the names of - ball, spoon, heart, key, penny, ribbon, Lego, dog, kitty, basket. Place one object in front of the child, for example, the spoon. Say, "I spy something that starts with 's'." He will say "spoon." Now we make it a little harder. Place two objects in front of the child, i.e. the ball and the heart. "I spy something that starts with 'buh'." Perhaps he errs and guesses "heart." Say, "no!" with the same smile and enthusiasm with which you would have said "yes!" had he gotten it right, because mistakes are such an exciting and vital part of learning. Take away the heart and offer just the ball. "I spy something that starts with 'buh'." "Ball." When two choices becomes easy, increase to 3 or 4 choices. When beginning sounds become easy, try playing with the ending sounds. "I spy something that ends with "ee". Yes, key!" This is one variation of a game with endless variations. Have fun finding them.
~5-6 year olds ~ Most of the kids of this age in our classroom are writing on paper now. Having that model of their cursive letters will assist them in remembering some of the trickier ones. Maybe our kids would like to write to each other! Have them fill a lined sheet of notebook paper with their thoughts, even over several days. Don't send it unless it's full. Stamps are over 50 cents!
Most importantly, realize that it is up to you, the parents, to determine how this period of isolation and social distancing will be experienced and remembered by your child. If the news is on continually and you yourselves are emanating worry and stress, this will replicated by your child/ren. If you make the best of this situation and see it as an opportunity to have unscheduled, unstructured time at home with your little ones, they may look back on some of the best memories of their childhoods. It is true that this crisis will be a hardship on many. As we look out for our neighbors, let us not feel any guilt about enjoying the silver linings this storm may bring.
Yours in social distancing,
Doni
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Miraculous Transformations
Many of you know that I volunteer each Friday morning at the Safehaven Humane Society. I arrive at 8 AM (7:45 during kitten season) and help out in the cat room. I have been doing this since 2008 and am now quite competent at scooping litter pans, feeding and watering kitties and sanitizing cat kennels. When all this is done, we sweep and mop. We must be finished by 11 when the staff take their lunch breaks. At this time of year, the aforementioned kitten season, we often have upwards of 60 cats and it takes the full 3 hours to complete our tasks and get ready to receive the public when we open at noon.
Our kennels are two-room cages with a sliding door that separates the living area from the litter box area. When we sanitize a kennel and get it ready for the day with fresh bedding, litter, toys, food and water, we remove the cat from the living area and they must remain in the litter box area for at least 10 minutes while the antiseptic spray does it's job and we can then wipe off the surfaces and prepare the kennel for the cat's comfort. Most of the time, the cats are quite cooperative.........
But then there were Meow-Meow, Lars and Bella. These cats, who were not related by blood nor geography, had one thing in common. They were all terrors who would bite and scratch any staff member or volunteer who had come to help and serve them. They weren't bad cats, but they all had "issues" that caused me to feel very hesitant to interact with them. None of them would suffer to be held or cuddled. The best I could do was to scruff them by the back of the neck (which is very humane as long as the cat is not too large and one supports their bottom at the same time) and transfer them to their litter box area, trying not to get too scratched up. Often, I would just leave them in their living area and clean around them as they batted and swatted and hissed at me. Ungrateful wretches, each one of them!
One day, I arrived at Safehaven and I found Meow-Meow was missing from her kennel. I knew she couldn't possibly have been adopted, given her temperament, so I sought her out. I found she had been relocated to a larger space. We have "meet and greet" rooms which are the size of a large bathroom or walk-in closet. They are furnished and meant to provide a comfortable space for a cat and a potential adopter to hang out and get to know each other. Meow-Meow had been moved into such a room along with her cot, bedding, toys, food and water. She was quite set up in there. I went in warily and sat down on her loveseat and waited to see what she would do. Wonder of wonders, she stalked over and rubbed her cheek on my leg, then hopped up on the seat next to me and flopped over on her back demanding to be petted! She rubbed herself along my thigh, contracted and stretched out, rubbed her head on my hand and just generally loved me up and down! Who was this imposter?! This was the new, improved Meow-Meow! A total love bug! Meow-Meow is still at Safehaven awaiting her forever family, but now she is really ready to go! She is one of my favorites and I spend extra time with her.
Lars and Bella both have similar stories. They were both very feisty and crabby and wretched. Then they were each given their own big room and the same transformation occurred. These cats are now also extremely cuddly, lovable and non-lethal. Granted, neither Meow-Meow nor Bella like to be held, per se, but they like to be as close to you as possible and they love to be loved. Lars likes to be on your lap and he will purr and purr. His purr sounds a bit asthmatic so we had him checked out and he's fine. We joke that he's just a bit rusty at being content. The only change these three felines experienced to create such tremendous alteration of their personalities was a change of environment.
The environment has a profound affect on us sentient beings. I have a friend who cannot abide a certain brew-pub because of the depressing gray interior. I cannot settle down at home and enjoy my leisure time until I have swept the floors. I am disturbed and distracted by the dog hair and dirt. For some people, it's fluorescent lighting that upsets them. My husband is very sensitive to ambient odors. And on the flip side, we also respond positively to aspects of the environment. Realtors have known for decades that the smell of cinnamon puts folks in a happy mood. Modern-day tech start-ups aim to have lively environments that compel employees to want to put in extra time at work. Studies show that having dogs in the workplace encourages people to stay longer in the office. The popularity of feng shui and Marie Kondo support the premise of the influence of the environment on our well-being.
If you saw the recent video of our children participating in "Walking on the Line" in our classroom, you may have been surprised to see 23 pre-schoolers moving so calmly and purposefully in unison and without adult direction. When parents observe our classroom they are often shocked to witness the focus and intentionality, the consideration and kindness, the order and competence of some of our students, being that the kids are so young. Many parents notice a marked difference in their child right at the threshold of the classroom. The child may be fidgety or provocative in the hall, but as soon as they enter the classroom, they may seem imbued with a new dignity and gravitas.
A Montessori Prepared Environment (as we call the classroom and school yard) is scientifically designed to elicit certain behaviors from children. There are few large areas that encourage running and horseplay. Children must maneuver carefully around the work rugs, tables and chairs. The materials are beautiful, sequential and invitingly displayed so that children initiate their own activity. The furnishings are child-size and manageable. The lessons are presented with little extraneous language so that the child may focus on the visual (unless its a language lesson!) The adults in the room model the Grace and Courtesy that we want the children to embrace. We carry tables with a partner even though we are able to heave the whole thing right up over our heads! We carry things only one or two at a time because we know the children are not capable of being careful with more than that. A million little things add up to the sum of this environment which truly transforms us.
I found the story of these three cats really inspiring because obviously, no one reasoned with these cats to elicit these new, pro-social and beneficial attitudes and behaviors from them. They simply responded naturally and positively to a new environment created with their needs in mind. That is what your children are doing here at school and I am just as inspired, if not more so, by them! If ever you are desirous of creating a change in your family, I invite you to consider taking a critical look at your environment. Miraculous changes can occur.
Our kennels are two-room cages with a sliding door that separates the living area from the litter box area. When we sanitize a kennel and get it ready for the day with fresh bedding, litter, toys, food and water, we remove the cat from the living area and they must remain in the litter box area for at least 10 minutes while the antiseptic spray does it's job and we can then wipe off the surfaces and prepare the kennel for the cat's comfort. Most of the time, the cats are quite cooperative.........
But then there were Meow-Meow, Lars and Bella. These cats, who were not related by blood nor geography, had one thing in common. They were all terrors who would bite and scratch any staff member or volunteer who had come to help and serve them. They weren't bad cats, but they all had "issues" that caused me to feel very hesitant to interact with them. None of them would suffer to be held or cuddled. The best I could do was to scruff them by the back of the neck (which is very humane as long as the cat is not too large and one supports their bottom at the same time) and transfer them to their litter box area, trying not to get too scratched up. Often, I would just leave them in their living area and clean around them as they batted and swatted and hissed at me. Ungrateful wretches, each one of them!
One day, I arrived at Safehaven and I found Meow-Meow was missing from her kennel. I knew she couldn't possibly have been adopted, given her temperament, so I sought her out. I found she had been relocated to a larger space. We have "meet and greet" rooms which are the size of a large bathroom or walk-in closet. They are furnished and meant to provide a comfortable space for a cat and a potential adopter to hang out and get to know each other. Meow-Meow had been moved into such a room along with her cot, bedding, toys, food and water. She was quite set up in there. I went in warily and sat down on her loveseat and waited to see what she would do. Wonder of wonders, she stalked over and rubbed her cheek on my leg, then hopped up on the seat next to me and flopped over on her back demanding to be petted! She rubbed herself along my thigh, contracted and stretched out, rubbed her head on my hand and just generally loved me up and down! Who was this imposter?! This was the new, improved Meow-Meow! A total love bug! Meow-Meow is still at Safehaven awaiting her forever family, but now she is really ready to go! She is one of my favorites and I spend extra time with her.
Lars and Bella both have similar stories. They were both very feisty and crabby and wretched. Then they were each given their own big room and the same transformation occurred. These cats are now also extremely cuddly, lovable and non-lethal. Granted, neither Meow-Meow nor Bella like to be held, per se, but they like to be as close to you as possible and they love to be loved. Lars likes to be on your lap and he will purr and purr. His purr sounds a bit asthmatic so we had him checked out and he's fine. We joke that he's just a bit rusty at being content. The only change these three felines experienced to create such tremendous alteration of their personalities was a change of environment.
The environment has a profound affect on us sentient beings. I have a friend who cannot abide a certain brew-pub because of the depressing gray interior. I cannot settle down at home and enjoy my leisure time until I have swept the floors. I am disturbed and distracted by the dog hair and dirt. For some people, it's fluorescent lighting that upsets them. My husband is very sensitive to ambient odors. And on the flip side, we also respond positively to aspects of the environment. Realtors have known for decades that the smell of cinnamon puts folks in a happy mood. Modern-day tech start-ups aim to have lively environments that compel employees to want to put in extra time at work. Studies show that having dogs in the workplace encourages people to stay longer in the office. The popularity of feng shui and Marie Kondo support the premise of the influence of the environment on our well-being.
If you saw the recent video of our children participating in "Walking on the Line" in our classroom, you may have been surprised to see 23 pre-schoolers moving so calmly and purposefully in unison and without adult direction. When parents observe our classroom they are often shocked to witness the focus and intentionality, the consideration and kindness, the order and competence of some of our students, being that the kids are so young. Many parents notice a marked difference in their child right at the threshold of the classroom. The child may be fidgety or provocative in the hall, but as soon as they enter the classroom, they may seem imbued with a new dignity and gravitas.
A Montessori Prepared Environment (as we call the classroom and school yard) is scientifically designed to elicit certain behaviors from children. There are few large areas that encourage running and horseplay. Children must maneuver carefully around the work rugs, tables and chairs. The materials are beautiful, sequential and invitingly displayed so that children initiate their own activity. The furnishings are child-size and manageable. The lessons are presented with little extraneous language so that the child may focus on the visual (unless its a language lesson!) The adults in the room model the Grace and Courtesy that we want the children to embrace. We carry tables with a partner even though we are able to heave the whole thing right up over our heads! We carry things only one or two at a time because we know the children are not capable of being careful with more than that. A million little things add up to the sum of this environment which truly transforms us.
I found the story of these three cats really inspiring because obviously, no one reasoned with these cats to elicit these new, pro-social and beneficial attitudes and behaviors from them. They simply responded naturally and positively to a new environment created with their needs in mind. That is what your children are doing here at school and I am just as inspired, if not more so, by them! If ever you are desirous of creating a change in your family, I invite you to consider taking a critical look at your environment. Miraculous changes can occur.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Festive Frenzy?
Happy Holidays, everyone! This is, for many, a favorite time of year, but it can easily become stressful as we try to capture every joy of Christmas, Hannukah, Saint Nicholas and Saint Lucia Days, Kwaanzaa and the New Year. Cleaning, baking, cooking, shopping, decorating, gift-wrapping, writing greeting cards, traveling and visiting, hosting – stop the madness! Now, there is nothing Grinchy or Scroogy about me. Nobody loves the winter holidays more than Yours Truly and I think that is because I have found the key to my Christmas bliss. Simplify, simplify, simplify. What has worked for my family may not be what works for yours, but my formula is this; eliminate the unnecessary and embrace the meaningful. My treatise here will center on Christmas because that’s what I grew up celebrating and I apologize for the narrow focus, but I think the essence can be applied to any holiday.
Ponder which activities and traditions you truly treasure. What do you remember most fondly from your own childhood holidays? For me, there is so much. I remember my mother’s decorating style precisely. She and we 3 kids would hang up our colorful cardstock pictures of Mr. and Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and elves all skating together. This took up a whole wall or picture window. We decorated the tree, of course, and then Mom would place on one corner of every horizontal surface some greenery, pillar candles and a few Christmas balls. This left the rest of the coffee table or end table free to hold refreshments. We would put up the stockings and the angel chimes. We never put lights up on our house because, as my dad said, “only Polish families do that.” I guess there are a lot of Polish families around Philomath!
Although we were a family of meager means, sometimes experiencing food insecurity ourselves, my parents hosted an elaborate Open House each Christmas Eve. The centerpiece would be a ham and there was every delectable dish imaginable alongside. Mom made around 25 different kinds of cookies, no exaggeration. They made a variety of hand-made truffles and homemade eggnog with islands of egg whites floating about that would be served in our cherished Santa mugs, with or without brandy and whisky. Looking back now, I think we were rather like the Cratchits from Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” in that we lived like kings on that one night a year and like paupers the rest.
We listened to Christmas music, went caroling and sledding (this was snowy LaPorte, Indiana and later Bend, Oregon) and wrote our letters to Santa. There were always gifts under the tree for us all. Some years, there were only a few and other years, an embarrassment of riches. We put up a stocking for the Baby Jesus and we kids each selected one of our toys or treasures to give Him on Christmas Eve. When we woke up Christmas morning, our stockings were full and Jesus’ was empty.
Some years ago, my husband and I spoke to our families about scaling back gift-giving. This is, to us, the least appealing element of Christmas. My husband hates to shop, so not shopping for me is my gift to him. If he or I want something, we are so richly blessed that we can go out and procure the item and our family members are also similarly well-off. At first, we opted for the drawing of names and everyone would then give just one gift. Now, we never know from one year to the other who we will actually be celebrating with on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and have eliminated gift-giving altogether. We do give the grandkids and niece and nephew cash. I consider this insurance that they will visit me in my future nursing home and pluck my chin hairs for me. This approach saves us much time, effort and money, obviously, leaving us free to give more to charitable causes and/or to treat ourselves to a special experience. This year, Andy and I are going to see “The Lion King” musical at the Hult Center in Eugene in January!
I bake a couple of batches of cookies, one being the Manning Family Icebox Cookies. I decorate a lot or a little, depending on how much energy I have for going up and down the attic stairs. We drive around and look at light displays. I listen to a lot of Christmas music, light a lot of candles and watch the same Rankin/Bass Christmas specials on TV that I watched as a little girl. We host our families for either Christmas Day or Christmas Eve and we do it Open House-style so that the family members who wish to avoid each other (divorce) may do so and we still get to see everyone and offer them a delicious meal in festive surroundings. The above is what is important to me – beauty, family, food, music and fond memories of Christmases past.
Since you all have young children, I sort of doubt that you will eliminate gift-giving, as we have done. That might be a hard sell. Perhaps you will scale back in some other area. Perhaps not. Perhaps your celebrations are already a perfect fit for your time, energy and pocketbook. Wonderful! You are the envy of all you know. But, maybe there is one other aspect of the holiday season in which I can be of assistance. Tell me this. Does your child ever receive gifts from relatives and well-meaning friends that leave you thinking, “oh, boy, you really shouldn’t have!”? Maybe there are too many. Or maybe they are a poor fit for your child’s age/interests, your household or your values. And maybe it is awkward to discuss such things with your loved ones. I empathize. No one wants to offend or hurt feelings. But, what if you were discussing the upcoming holidays with, say, Grandma, and the topic came up organically? Allow me to offer you the following script as a rough guideline of how you could gently let your wishes be known;
“We are really looking forward to seeing you, too! Little Joaquin is so excited for Christmas. We have been working on his wish list. I don’t know if you plan on getting him anything, but perhaps you would like me to email you his ideas. You can spread the word that we are hoping for only a few things as we only want him to have as many toys as he can manage and clean up responsibly.” Or “We just hope he doesn’t receive any weaponry this year. We don’t let him use them so it’s sort of a waste.” Or “What he would really like is to spend some time with you. He’d be thrilled if you took him to the Albany Carousel/Wildlife Safari/Laughing Planet for lunch.” Or “I just hope the aunts and uncles don’t give him any electronics this year. We have learned so much about how they hamper brain development and, of course, we want him to have every advantage.”
Of course, we don’t control other people and they will give what they wish to give, but it might be helpful to lay that advance groundwork and at least, let your preferences be known. If your loved ones are asking for input, you might refer them to the American Academy of Pediatrics website. There is a really good article on toys for infants and young children titled “Best Toys for Children’s Development – Hint: They aren’t Costly or Electronic.” It recommends simple toys such as dolls and action figures, balls, blocks and puzzles, etc. to promote imaginative play, interaction between the generations and between peers, large and small motor skills, spatial skills, cognitive-language and social-emotional abilities and self-regulation. I suspect that many a doting grandparent or auntie would love some input from you as to what your child could really benefit from. Even as a child-development professional, I found it difficult to keep up with the kids’ development well-enough to give appropriately.
I hope you find this helpful or, at least, interesting. In keeping with my holiday style, it is the only gift you will be receiving from me. My lack of a present for you, though, is no reflection of the fondness and respect I have for you and your family. You are all such devoted parents and caring friends. Knowing you has enriched my life greatly and I appreciate you so much. I wish you and yours a joyful holiday season and that 2019 is full of blessings for all.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Limits
We had a fun evening here at school the other night. Jessica and I hosted "Hands on in the Casa" and a large number of our parents turned out to play with our Montessori materials. I spoke very briefly at the beginning before turning parents loose to engage with our fascinating, scientifically-designed apparatuses. After everyone had gone home, I asked Jessica for her feedback regarding my little speech. I was actually fishing for a compliment, but instead, I got honest critique. Jessica said that she wished I had spent a bit more time talking about limits. I mentioned merely that we provided limits and that limits are what keeps freedom (a variety of good, positive choices) from becoming license (a blank check of permissiveness), but perhaps I didn't elaborate sufficiently about why limits are so valuable in child-rearing. Therefore, this blog post.
One aspect of Montessori philosophy is a belief in Human Tendencies. These have been observed by pedagogists and psychologists who pre-date Dr. Montessori and she observed them at work in the children in her very first Casa de Bambini in the slum of San Lorenzo. Some Human Tendencies are orientation, order, exploration, communication, activity, work, repetition, perfection and love. These tendencies are powerful forces that guided our pre-historic ancestors. Indeed, they guided the evolution of civilization and brought us to our current state as the dominant species on planet Earth. Not bad, considering we were once naked, cold, defenseless and prey to so many other, better-equipped animals. These same tendencies that guided humanity as a whole guide your individual child throughout her life.
Think of the tendency of orientation, in which the child is figuring our where and how he fits in to the environment, whether that be the home, the school, the play park, etc. One wonders how far he is allowed to roam, what he is allowed to take, what activities take place in which space, with whom she may converse or how he can get something to eat or drink. The tendency of exploration calls us to look, listen, touch, smell and taste to take in the whole of this environment. The tendency of order encourages us to know where things are and where to put them back when finished, what the rules that provide the social order, the roles of the individuals around us, the routine of the day. Perhaps the reader can speculate already about how important clear limits would be in satisfying these human tendencies.
Children, even rebellious children, need and are satisfied by limits. They want and need them so much that they will look for them until they are found. Limits help us to feel secure and that we know what we are doing. They help us to be and feel competent. If the limits are changeable, foggy or wishy-washy, then the child must keep seeking/testing the limit until it is constant, clear and solid. If I were to tell the children that there is no talking when we exit for fire drill, but then allowed the talking anyway, that would be an unclear limit and would only serve to encourage the children to keep talking to experiment with the limit. "Did the teacher mean what she said? I can't tell. It seems not. Perhaps she never means what she says. Let's keep testing until we figure this out!" It is easy to see how limits that are expressed but not enforced lead to some challenging behaviors. It's not the child's fault. She is at the mercy of her human tendency to explore the teacher's intent, to orient herself to the rules of the classroom and to try to find the order in a system in which things are said, but not meant. What a waste of her energy and mine!
In contrast, if limits are consistently and relentlessly shown to the child, he will eventually realize that this limit is real and solid. The testing fades away and the child is free to turn his incredible human energy to other tasks. It does take some children longer than others. This may be attributed to the persistence of the child. It may relate to a lack of consistent limits at home or with a caregiver. As I point out, limits that are not consistently enforced only serve to fuel the child's desire to explore and finally find that limit! Once the child accepts that there are limits, it is as if Basic Training is over and the child is set free to pursue interests in an environment that they now understand and trust. There is a feeling of ease and confidence that allows them to explore further, in a sanctioned way.
Lastly, limits are part of life. A Montessori classroom and a family home should be microcosms of life that prepare us for the larger world. A child who is not given limits will be ill-suited to the realities of life. In life, we all follow rules, procedures and laws. Cause and effect reigns. We can expect to live as comfortable a life as we are willing to work for. A+ behavior usually brings A+ rewards. D- behavior has an equivalent result. Fortunately, that is the world our kids are born into. Sadly, other children, who are less-privileged than ours, cannot rely on that equation of effort = reward as circumstances are so stacked against them.
Let's imagine the adult who was reared without limits. That person was brought up to think he/she could do no wrong and he/she is entitled to have/do whatever they fancy. Not only will this insufferable person be a curse to anyone unfortunate enough to marry or hire him/her, but this person will be unhappy all the days of their lives. After all, if one has the expectation that they can have/do whatever they want and the rest of humanity is not in agreement, that is going to be a long, disappointing ride. This entitled person will never feel gratitude because they assume they always deserve to have the first and the best and to have it right now. When something good happens, well, they were due anyway. When something bad happens, that will be viewed as a grave injustice. It may be difficult for some parents to provide limits as they seem to cause the child discomfort at the moment and will likely lead to a struggle, but in the long term, they are insurance for future happiness and success.
I hope parents find these musings helpful and will examine the limits or lack thereof in their child's home life and have some in place. Good places to start might be: no hurting people, carry your plate to the kitchen after a meal, hold onto my coat when we get out of the car so that you are safe and close, finish this yogurt or apple before taking another, use the back of office paper for your drawings, remove your shoes before entering.... and on and on. Even if moms and dads don't need these limits, your child does! It's good training for life!
Best regards,
Doni
One aspect of Montessori philosophy is a belief in Human Tendencies. These have been observed by pedagogists and psychologists who pre-date Dr. Montessori and she observed them at work in the children in her very first Casa de Bambini in the slum of San Lorenzo. Some Human Tendencies are orientation, order, exploration, communication, activity, work, repetition, perfection and love. These tendencies are powerful forces that guided our pre-historic ancestors. Indeed, they guided the evolution of civilization and brought us to our current state as the dominant species on planet Earth. Not bad, considering we were once naked, cold, defenseless and prey to so many other, better-equipped animals. These same tendencies that guided humanity as a whole guide your individual child throughout her life.
Think of the tendency of orientation, in which the child is figuring our where and how he fits in to the environment, whether that be the home, the school, the play park, etc. One wonders how far he is allowed to roam, what he is allowed to take, what activities take place in which space, with whom she may converse or how he can get something to eat or drink. The tendency of exploration calls us to look, listen, touch, smell and taste to take in the whole of this environment. The tendency of order encourages us to know where things are and where to put them back when finished, what the rules that provide the social order, the roles of the individuals around us, the routine of the day. Perhaps the reader can speculate already about how important clear limits would be in satisfying these human tendencies.
Children, even rebellious children, need and are satisfied by limits. They want and need them so much that they will look for them until they are found. Limits help us to feel secure and that we know what we are doing. They help us to be and feel competent. If the limits are changeable, foggy or wishy-washy, then the child must keep seeking/testing the limit until it is constant, clear and solid. If I were to tell the children that there is no talking when we exit for fire drill, but then allowed the talking anyway, that would be an unclear limit and would only serve to encourage the children to keep talking to experiment with the limit. "Did the teacher mean what she said? I can't tell. It seems not. Perhaps she never means what she says. Let's keep testing until we figure this out!" It is easy to see how limits that are expressed but not enforced lead to some challenging behaviors. It's not the child's fault. She is at the mercy of her human tendency to explore the teacher's intent, to orient herself to the rules of the classroom and to try to find the order in a system in which things are said, but not meant. What a waste of her energy and mine!
In contrast, if limits are consistently and relentlessly shown to the child, he will eventually realize that this limit is real and solid. The testing fades away and the child is free to turn his incredible human energy to other tasks. It does take some children longer than others. This may be attributed to the persistence of the child. It may relate to a lack of consistent limits at home or with a caregiver. As I point out, limits that are not consistently enforced only serve to fuel the child's desire to explore and finally find that limit! Once the child accepts that there are limits, it is as if Basic Training is over and the child is set free to pursue interests in an environment that they now understand and trust. There is a feeling of ease and confidence that allows them to explore further, in a sanctioned way.
Lastly, limits are part of life. A Montessori classroom and a family home should be microcosms of life that prepare us for the larger world. A child who is not given limits will be ill-suited to the realities of life. In life, we all follow rules, procedures and laws. Cause and effect reigns. We can expect to live as comfortable a life as we are willing to work for. A+ behavior usually brings A+ rewards. D- behavior has an equivalent result. Fortunately, that is the world our kids are born into. Sadly, other children, who are less-privileged than ours, cannot rely on that equation of effort = reward as circumstances are so stacked against them.
Let's imagine the adult who was reared without limits. That person was brought up to think he/she could do no wrong and he/she is entitled to have/do whatever they fancy. Not only will this insufferable person be a curse to anyone unfortunate enough to marry or hire him/her, but this person will be unhappy all the days of their lives. After all, if one has the expectation that they can have/do whatever they want and the rest of humanity is not in agreement, that is going to be a long, disappointing ride. This entitled person will never feel gratitude because they assume they always deserve to have the first and the best and to have it right now. When something good happens, well, they were due anyway. When something bad happens, that will be viewed as a grave injustice. It may be difficult for some parents to provide limits as they seem to cause the child discomfort at the moment and will likely lead to a struggle, but in the long term, they are insurance for future happiness and success.
I hope parents find these musings helpful and will examine the limits or lack thereof in their child's home life and have some in place. Good places to start might be: no hurting people, carry your plate to the kitchen after a meal, hold onto my coat when we get out of the car so that you are safe and close, finish this yogurt or apple before taking another, use the back of office paper for your drawings, remove your shoes before entering.... and on and on. Even if moms and dads don't need these limits, your child does! It's good training for life!
Best regards,
Doni
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