What Do We Tell the Kids?

Dearest Guide,

My mate and I are struggling with what to tell our young kids about Recent World Events.  We don't want to overwhelm or worry them, but they see the masks and our elaborate disinfecting routines and have questions.  How much should we tell them when we don't know all the answers and the answers seem to change every day?

Sincerely, Information Overloaded

Dear Overloaded,

Since we are now, what, close to 2 months into this ( I go by the date of March 12, when the schools were closed) I sincerely wish I had addressed your concern earlier.  By now, you have probably found just what to say to your little ones regarding the Covid-19 pandemic.  But our other readers, Gentle Parent, can still benefit from such a topic because this is surely not the last World Event we will have to get through whilst rearing our children and not the last difficult topic we will need to address.

Whether it is a pandemic, violence, war, poverty, injustice and inequality, marital discord at home, bigotry, sex and gender issues, folks with special needs, religious differences, death or cruelty, stuff happens.  Kids are exposed.  They have questions.  My best and most general advice is to answer those questions, but that's all.  By their questions, your children will tell you what they need to know to make sense of a situation.  Just satisfy their needs without giving them more information than they are asking for.  We want to avoid giving them more than they can handle.

More questions will arise.  Answer them as they do. I also advise parents to be honest with a child when they don't have a ready, well-thought-out answer.  It is preferable to organize your thoughts, beliefs and what you really want to transmit to your child than to slop out an immediate reply.  It is wonderful to say, "I appreciate your question.  It is an important one and I want to give it some thought before I answer.  I will get back to you soon to discuss this."  Then be sure you do collect your thoughts and prepare your presentation.  I remember a fantastic mom who was put on the spot when her child was asking loudly about someone's physical disability who was a fellow passenger on the bus the mother and child were riding.  She was at a loss and embarrassed.  That might have been a time to employ the above tactic.

Sidenote:   I have also heard a wonderful speaker at a Montessori conference who would advise this mom to respectfully ask the passenger if he/she would mind if her child asked about their situation. The speaker was a fellow teacher and when she went out with her elementary students on the outings that 2nd Plane Montessori students organize themselves, the students would show interest in some of the people they encountered, people lacking housing, for example.  And she guided them in how to engage a stranger in a meaningful exchange, if amenable to both parties.

But back to your query, Gentle Parent, about this Recent World Event - the pandemic.  I would answer your children's questions as honestly, simply and briefly as possible.   Verity, clarity, brevity, levity is my motto!  Sometimes the levity doesn't work too well with pre-schoolers as they are so literal, but it rhymed so nicely!  Maybe just stick with true, clear and brief.  I am grateful for your question, Gentle Reader and hope I didn't give YOU more than you asked for, but heeded my own advice.  Wishing your family the very best in this difficult time, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni