Hygiene for the Holidays!

 Season's Greetings!

I am very curious about how people are managing their holiday expectations this year and perhaps others are, too.  In that interest, I am writing today to tell you how Andy and I and other members of our family are spending our Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I will begin, however, with Veteran's Day, which was yesterday.  At 8 AM or so, I learned that Albany was putting on a "Reverse Veteran's Day Parade " out in the parking lot of the newly constructed YMCA.  The idea is that veteran's groups and businesses hosting veterans would set up an area in which veterans could stand or sit, some decorated and some not (I refer to the staged areas, not the vets themselves, many of whom, I'm sure, were very decorated!) and citizens could circle by in their cars and wave and call out their thanks.  I immediately started painting some posters that said "Veterans, we thank you!" and "We 💜 you!" and blew up many balloons.  I figured we would drive to the Y and then quickly tape up the posters and balloons to our ride.  We took our Chihuahua-mix, Penelope, in a color-coordinated sweater to match our decorations.  We left our lab-mix, Miley, at home as she is disturbed by loud noises and we were expecting a big turnout of motorcyclists.  I felt really badly about leaving Miley behind and gave her extra pets and treats as we left.  That is probably what distracted me and caused me to leave the bag holding the adhesive tape sitting on the kitchen floor.  When we got to the parade route and pulled over, I was so excited to decorate our "float," but found no tape!  We settled for holding our posters up ourselves out the open windows.  As no other vehicles decorated at all, we still stood out and the vets really appreciated our home made posters and cute puppy.  "Chihuahuas for veterans!" we called!

For Thanksgiving, our holiday will be largely unchanged.  We will go to our cabin on the lake as usual.  It has a propane oven and stove and we will cook a feast for two, read a lot and try to identify as many migratory waterfowl as possible.  Autumn and winter are best for birding on Ten Mile Lake!   Some years, we do attend a large family gathering in North Albany hosted by Nancy, my stepmother, who was married to my dad while he lived and is now married to my daughter-in-law's widowed father.  It's all very interwoven and Appalachian.  Our family tree twists around like a curly willow!   This year, however, Nancy and Gary will not welcome their usual 12-15 guests, but will instead prepare a delicious meal and deliver it to the would-be guests who live nearby.  That is the compromise they have chosen.  It allows them to stay safe and opt out of hosting a dangerous dinner, but they can still have that feeling of connection by sharing their sweet potatoes and stuffing with loved ones.  

My sister in Vancouver, WA, began planning a Christmas get-together a month or so ago.  She is the youngest of  us 3 siblings.  My older brother lives in Eugene with his wife.  Our mom is 84 and in good health, but does have some risk factors besides age.  She will be living with my sister and her family in Vancouver from Thanksgiving through the New Year.  Mom's age makes it feel timely and important, yet also risky for us to gather.  We are still weighing the risks and it is entirely possible that we may scrap the whole thing, but for now, this is our plan;  On Saturday, December 19, we intend to gather in my sister's old house, which is HUGE.  It is a former sanatorium for cerebral palsy patients and has also served as a dance studio and church offices.  It has since been moved high on a hill out of town.  It features a large, square central "hall" which is open via 3 archways to a library, parlor and dining room.  Since there are 3 households attending -  my sister's, mine and my brother's, she will set up a table for each group in each of those 3 rooms. We'll be at least 12 feet apart, but will see and hear each other across the empty hall.  We will all wear masks except for when dining.  Windows will be open and sweaters will be worn.  There will be no table of appetizers nor open bar to hover over. My mother will cook a simple, but delicious meal of turkey divan and, huzzah! will bake two desserts!  One lucky teen niece or nephew will do all the serving so there will be no shared utensils.  We will limit the gathering to 3 hours and will include a Christmas sing-a-long as I have been practicing carols on my ukulele!  We will wear masks and stay distant during the singing.  

My sister has recently suggested that we seek out COVID tests prior to our holiday.  I received an order from my doctor easily and have an appointment for the drive-thru testing facility near the Albany hospital 5 days before the dinner.  I will be quarantined as soon as school lets out.  That test will cost $150.  I have been informed that RiteAid offers free COVID tests and I will look into that as well.  I want to point out that although  I am traveling out of Oregon state for this gathering, it is early enough in the Winter Break that two weeks will have passed before I am reunited with the children and staff at PhMS.  

As you can see, we are putting a lot of thought into our holiday plans.  As COVID numbers rise in Benton and Linn Counties, this is the worst possible time to loosen up and become lax in defeating the spread.  The urge to congregate with our family and friends is stronger than ever due to our love of holiday traditions and the forced separation we have all endured thus far.  Unfortunately, NW winter weather is not conducive to planning outdoor gatherings unless one is hooked up with a sturdy canopy and outdoor heaters.  Although I remember sitting on the front porch in our shirtsleeves on Christmas Day more than once, my dad still alive and enjoying the sunshine, that is a blessing one cannot count on.  So we must all be self-sacrificing, creative, detail-oriented and disciplined this holiday season.  We must show our love by, perhaps, not being with those we love.  We may spread holiday warmth by sitting in a cold, but well-ventilated room.  We may fill charity food boxes instead of the mouths of our relatives. We may feast our eyes on just the eyes of our masked friends.

 You now know that I have, so far, not resisted the siren song of "Home for the Holidays," but my family and I are taking such precautions that I feel very confident that I am fulfilling my obligation to all of you at PhMS.  My highest priority is to be a good citizen of our state and our school and rest assured, I am playing my part in keeping our kids and staff safe and our school open for in-person instruction.  I know I can count on my PhMS community to do the same.  Jessica, Madi and I wish you and yours a joyful and safe holiday season. We treasure you!

Warmest Holiday Wishes,

Doni

No hugs?!?

 Dear friends, 

It is so wonderful to be back in the classroom, finally, with real live children!  All is going well and we get to practice lots of new procedures, such as putting work away, not directly back on the shelf, but on the “sani-table,” where Madi sanitizes it and then places it back on the shelf for the next child.   We get to practice hand washing a lot and that gets us all counting to twenty. We should all be able to chant the numbers 1-20 very well, very soon. 

One thing we don’t get to practice is hugging.  And that is sad.  The older kids and I were discussing this today.  They understand and accept this new requirement and are very agreeable to sitting apart, using the same table all day, wearing masks properly and all the measures we take to protect each other from “the virus.”  But we all agree that we miss hugging.  I was quite bereft at not being able to hug all the returning kids and their parents!  The children came up with a list of actions we can take, instead of hugging, to show our love for other people.  They came up with the following: saying “I love you,” writing love notes and letters, doing sign language for “I love you,” making a heart-shape with ones hands and drawing pictures and giving them to people, especially pictures of hearts.  I thought this was a really good list!  Great ideas there and I’m sure they’ll think of more.  

I later told the children that it was very important for humans to experience touching.  I said that it kept our spirits, bodies and brains healthy.  I suggested that they might need some extra touching from people in their household, such as their parents.  The kids came up with a number of ways that would be nice to touch and be touched by their parents.  Here is the list: hugging, holding hands, snuggling, back rubs and back tickles.  As one child said, “There are lots of ways to touch!”  

This is a short blog post for me, but I really just wanted to reach out and connect.    We have all been through and are going through some extraordinary times.  Seeing you returning parents in the parking lot as you drop off kids, restraining myself from coming to hug you and ask you how you are, knowing we will not be potlucking and catching up is distressing to me.  I feel as if we are in a war, have been away from each other fighting this war, and as if some of us never came home from the war.  I say this to acknowledge the families who have decided to keep their kids home instead of joining us for their second or third year.  Of course, I understand their difficult decisions, but I miss them just the same.  But in times like these, it is vital to focus on what we do have, rather than what is lacking.  I am so grateful to be working at my craft and providing this opportunity for our kids.  I am grateful for all of you who have joined us and trust us to keep your kids safe and developing as normally as possible in a year that is anything but normal.  Thank you!  And as you’ve no doubt heard many, many times, “we are all in this together!”

Warmest Regards,

Doni  

Doni Distances

Dear Friends,

I am missing you all!  I just thought I would check in and let you know that my PhMS community is very much in my thoughts.  I hope you are all doing well this summer and living in the "now" as much as possible as that is all we have.  I have done some socializing under these new conditions and I thought some might like to hear of my adventures!

My BFF of 3 decades, Carla,  lives in Vancouver, WA.  We met at Willamette Mission State Park, which is equidistant between our two homes, for 4 hours of picnicing in our own folding chairs, catching up and singing along to my ukulele.

I went to Pauline Tanaka's (our school's founder) and Allan Rack's home in Alsea for an outdoor luncheon and a long visit.  Allan has created a veritable arboretum out there and we lunched and listened to the birdsong emitting from the 27 different varieties of trees that he had planted.  With just 3 of us it was pretty easy to keep distant, although I would have been comfortable with a longer dining table.  I felt very at-ease eating their delicious food as I understand the novel coronavirus is not easily spread through food.  And they have excellent hygiene, I must say.

Andy and I spent a few days at our small cabin on Ten Mile Lake and Carla joined us, camping in her own tent and socializing only outdoors.  There were a few moments that I wish we had had masks handy, because we were a bit close, but didn't.  These are awkward times, socially, are they not, when one's mask protects others better than oneself and we rely on others donning a mask to protect our personal health?  I feel a bit helpless and ineffectual at times, relying on others to save me from a terrible fate. 

In a couple of weeks, I will go up to Vancouver, WA, where my sister and her family also live, for the day.  They have been working on their outdoor space and now have an entertaining area.  We plan to break bread and have an outdoor screening of "Hamilton!"  (They have Disney+ and we do not.)  If it gets too late, I can sleep in my Subaru.  I've kind of always wanted to! 

This morning, I had a beautiful walk with my neighbor, friend, Montessori colleague and PhMS board member, Kathleen Lloyd.  It was heavenly to renew our fellowship and for me to spend quality time with  another of my tribe. She had lots of personal news to report, all happy.   At some areas of the walk, where we couldn't be spread out due to traffic, we wore our masks.  It was reassuring to spend time with someone so intelligent and science-minded who is as equally cautious as myself.  It lets me know I'm on the right vapor-free path!

Well, folks, that's what I've been up to, in case you've wondered about me.  I have also been having nearly daily afternoon naps on my front porch and I am back to volunteering at Safehaven, now twice per week. It's kitten season, by the way - lots of kittens!  And we have the most charming and friendly little Dutch rabbit - Luna.  You can see our animals on our website and meet them by appointment these days. 

Very Best Regards,
Doni

Congratulations, Graduates!

Dear Friends,

I am feeling the need to process my feelings regarding our end-of-the-year punctuation mark, our graduation celebration.  My heart is so full because our grads really got into the spirit of the event, that spirit being manifested in the awesome vehicle decorations we beheld!  I wish we could have all strolled around, like at a car show, and admired the fantastic artwork and party decor on display, but that would have been unwise and unsafe.  I think Jessica and  I got to see more of your efforts than anyone and I can testify to the excellence I saw.  So, thank you, everyone, for your enthusiasm and spirit.  I thank especially the two families of younger classmates who waited patiently to drive through and show their support of their elders.  I refrain from using families' names here in the blog, but you two families know who you are and you warmed my heart and those of us all, yes, you did! Thank you!

Here is a cute story:  As those of you who attended already know, Lisa Pierce, wife of Dr. Jim Pierce, pastor at the College United Methodist Church, recorded not only the ceremony itself, but the arrivals of our families as well as the departure of our "parade" after the commencement exercises.  She made that link available to me and I shared it with my bestie of 30+ years, Carla.  She watched the whole thing.  I myself would have fast-forwarded through A LOT of it, but then I would have missed what she saw in an unguarded moment.  Carla knows that I have been dedicated to remaining inviolate from the novel coronavirus.  I have been to nary a store nor establishment since mid-March. No one has crossed our threshhold.  (Although I have just started back volunteering at Safehaven, all masked up and distant from the skeleton crew.  Yay!)  So when she saw one of our sweet little graduates approach  me from behind, bouquet outstretched, unbeknownst to me, after I had been making obvious efforts to remain distant from the gathered company, she could not help, as she watched,  but start humming to herself as he drew nearer, ever nearer, the theme from "Jaws!"  Da-dum...Da-dum...Da-dum, Da-dum, Da-dum DA-DUM! DA-DUM!!  End of cute story.

Then, as we took off for our "parade" (Jessica privately pondered, "Is it a parade if no one is watching?" But that is one for the ages) and went through town, we passed by a socially distant group of  Black Lives Matter demonstrators!  (Note to future demonstrators; being spaced out from each other like that really increases the visual presence of a small group!)  Some of us honked and waved  to them and they gave it right back, hollering "Congratulations!" as we passed! I just loved that mutual support going back and forth and was happy for the kids that they did have parade-attendees, after all!  And maybe this exchange lead to some important conversations, who knows? 

The weather was cooperative, the CUMC bent over backwards to lend us the PA system and tech support and our grads showed up in full-force and in full regalia.  We had unexpected community support on our parade route and we all got home by wine-thirty.  All in all, a very successful mid-pandemic pre-school graduation, as those things go.  Thank you to all for being so game!  I wish you all a safe and happy summer and a happy school situation next fall!

Warmest regards,
Doni

Racial Injustice and Unrest Right Now

Dear Friends,

I think it would be cowardly of me not to address the unrest in our country at this time, which is symptomatic of our troubled past and troubling present as a nation.  I have no words of wisdom to offer, only a commitment to be part of the solution to the shame of racial injustice in America.

As regards our children, it is important to have conversations about fairness, equality, diversity and prejudice during these "formative" years: the First Plane of Development, from birth to age 6 and then beyond and into the Second, Third and Fourth Planes.  We make it a practice at PhMS to tell true stories and read children's books about the civil rights struggle, about the plight of enslaved persons in the US and in other places as we learn about world history and geography. During those same studies we learn of the challenges that history has presented and the triumph of the human spirit witnessed in all races, religions and walks of life.  We share stories about historic persons of all races and events pertaining to empiricism and the longing for freedom.  We relish the works of indigenous poets, authors and artists of the countries we study. We take care that our library represents a rainbow of experiences offering both "windows" and "mirrors" for all of our children to see. They see their own culture(s) reflected as well as glimpses into lives unlike their own.

I tell you this not to congratulate ourselves for all we have done to combat prejudice and celebrate differences. That would be grossly tone-deaf when there is clearly so much more to be done; merely the first step of this journey has been taken, inspired by the most recent martyrdoms of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and the dangerously ridiculous harassment of birdwatcher Christian Cooper. I tell of some of what we do with our charges to illustrate that difficult subjects can and should be addressed with pre-school-age children.  Parents have their own wisdom regarding what they wish to share about racial inequality and at this age, the values you impart become part of the child's world-view and character.  Our public library has many age-appropriate books to support your message.  Even Pinterest has your back.

I encourage you to read a post just one or two prior to this entitled "What Do We Tell the Kids?" which I wrote to aid parents in discussing the pandemic, but is meant to be helpful regardless of  difficult subject matter.  I strongly, strongly discourage, however, sharing with young children the current images of violence being perpetrated either by law enforcement or by looters and rioters.  These images are too immediate and current to be safely processed by the immature mind. We are all having trouble ourselves, are we not?  Pathological levels of stress and anxiety, bad dreams and fitful sleep and the absorption of prejudice could easily result.  Keep the news off when the children are around.  They truly cannot handle it in that raw form.  It must be thoughtfully distilled to a child-friendly potency.  Rather, print an image of unity: cops kneeling beside protesters, hugs, listening, peaceful marching, and hang it on the fridge.  Evil has awakened our collective and overdue outrage, but only goodness and love will move us forward. 

In Peace,
Doni

"All Work is Equally Valuable"

                                "All work is equally valuable." Maria Montessori

This is surely one of Dr. Montessori's more memorable quotes because it is so short.  I remember hearing this for the first time during my training.  It, among other words of wisdom, went into the beaker full of the rest of the Kool-aid that I was unable to immediately consume as I did not fullly understand it, nor believe it.  I began my work with the children trusting that this as well other bon mots of Maria's would eventually resonate.  I soon recognized it's truth in the microcosm of our Prepared Environment.  I radically embraced the notion that floor scrubbing is as valuable as multiplication in the sense that one child would find their way to Normalization through Practical Life and another child would find it in Mathematics at any given time in their individual development.  But there are jobs and there are careers, right?

Initially I found myself at odds with the idea of all work being equally valuable because that was counter to my upbringing and what I thought I knew about the world.  Surely it's better to be a doctor than a ditch-digger.  Surely an advertising executive for Pall Mall cigarettes is the lowest form of life.

As I pondered this over the years, I decided that there were probably fewer ridiculous occupations in Dr Montessori's day.  See, there I go judging again, which is diametrically in opposition to the point of my article today.  In fact, though, manual labor was more highly respected in the past than in modern times.  An honest day's work for an honest day's pay and all that.  I have seen photographs of the workers of the Works Progress Administration during FDR's New Deal.  Their exuberance and pride as they held high their picks and shovels leaps off the image.  And today, there is a resurgence of interest in the trades. There is a realization that not every young person needs a university education and the world's needs are very diverse, requiring a diverse work force.  

As I joyfully greet the delivery person bringing me my precious goods that I was too scared (and wise) to purchase in a store, I realize how desperately I need the service this guy is providing.  As I pick up some take-out food, so looking forward to eating something not prepared at home, I cannot help but thank the server for working during this crisis.  I am so grateful!  I am humbly indebted to the grocery store cashiers, the train conductors, the now-unemployed army of hospitality workers, the farmers, servers and manufacturers that I have taken for granted until now.  I truly never appreciated the legions of people who support my life and my lifestyle until so many of them vanished from my life.  Maybe the movement for a higher minimum wage signifies that many other folks had been valuing these workers all along.

These jobs  are not glamorous nor prestigious, but I think people can see now, more than ever, that they are absolutely vital, "essential", as they say and that many more high-status positions are, in fact, not.  But embracing the theme, these non-essential occupations are also, equally important.  Perhaps they create beauty, entertain us, bring us comfort, create more jobs, add to the collective understanding or otherwise enrich our world. In any case, this crisis has brought me one step closer to understanding Dr. Montessori's wisdom, expressed in that simple quote, "All work is equally valuable."  I am committing now to sustaining this feeling of gratitude towards the workers of the world - paid and unpaid- in good times and bad.  I'm sorry it took a pandemic to awaken me.  

What Do We Tell the Kids?

Dearest Guide,

My mate and I are struggling with what to tell our young kids about Recent World Events.  We don't want to overwhelm or worry them, but they see the masks and our elaborate disinfecting routines and have questions.  How much should we tell them when we don't know all the answers and the answers seem to change every day?

Sincerely, Information Overloaded

Dear Overloaded,

Since we are now, what, close to 2 months into this ( I go by the date of March 12, when the schools were closed) I sincerely wish I had addressed your concern earlier.  By now, you have probably found just what to say to your little ones regarding the Covid-19 pandemic.  But our other readers, Gentle Parent, can still benefit from such a topic because this is surely not the last World Event we will have to get through whilst rearing our children and not the last difficult topic we will need to address.

Whether it is a pandemic, violence, war, poverty, injustice and inequality, marital discord at home, bigotry, sex and gender issues, folks with special needs, religious differences, death or cruelty, stuff happens.  Kids are exposed.  They have questions.  My best and most general advice is to answer those questions, but that's all.  By their questions, your children will tell you what they need to know to make sense of a situation.  Just satisfy their needs without giving them more information than they are asking for.  We want to avoid giving them more than they can handle.

More questions will arise.  Answer them as they do. I also advise parents to be honest with a child when they don't have a ready, well-thought-out answer.  It is preferable to organize your thoughts, beliefs and what you really want to transmit to your child than to slop out an immediate reply.  It is wonderful to say, "I appreciate your question.  It is an important one and I want to give it some thought before I answer.  I will get back to you soon to discuss this."  Then be sure you do collect your thoughts and prepare your presentation.  I remember a fantastic mom who was put on the spot when her child was asking loudly about someone's physical disability who was a fellow passenger on the bus the mother and child were riding.  She was at a loss and embarrassed.  That might have been a time to employ the above tactic.

Sidenote:   I have also heard a wonderful speaker at a Montessori conference who would advise this mom to respectfully ask the passenger if he/she would mind if her child asked about their situation. The speaker was a fellow teacher and when she went out with her elementary students on the outings that 2nd Plane Montessori students organize themselves, the students would show interest in some of the people they encountered, people lacking housing, for example.  And she guided them in how to engage a stranger in a meaningful exchange, if amenable to both parties.

But back to your query, Gentle Parent, about this Recent World Event - the pandemic.  I would answer your children's questions as honestly, simply and briefly as possible.   Verity, clarity, brevity, levity is my motto!  Sometimes the levity doesn't work too well with pre-schoolers as they are so literal, but it rhymed so nicely!  Maybe just stick with true, clear and brief.  I am grateful for your question, Gentle Reader and hope I didn't give YOU more than you asked for, but heeded my own advice.  Wishing your family the very best in this difficult time, I remain,

Your Guide,
Doni