Affluenza: Too Much, Too Soon

Some years ago, when my only granddaughter was five years old, my husband gave me, at Christmastime, a lovely and expensive pearl necklace.  It meant the world to me and still does.  Seeing how thrilled I was to receive such a treasure, he determined that he should also buy one for our granddaughter. I protested. I believed that she was far to young to receive such a gift.  She would not appreciate it, having no knowledge of the value of money or the origin of pearls.  She would undoubtedly break or lose it.  Most of all, receiving such an expensive gift at so young an age would jade her.  One day, she might be given a beautiful necklace by a relative, friend or romantic partner.  One day, she might decide to save enough money to buy such a thing for herself.  But if she were to receive it at the tender age of 5, so easily, without even wanting it, she would, if given one at a later age, not appreciate that magnanimous gesture.  "Been there, done that."

We are all so very rich.  Compared to the rest of the world, embarrassingly so.  Even the poorest of us are relatively rich, globally speaking.  It is so easy for us to spoil our kids with material goods.  And although it is an old-fashioned notion to believe that too many material possessions, given too readily, spoils a child's character, I believe it is so.  Here's why:

If a child is given everything they can possibly want or imagine without the slightest effort on their part, that sets them up for a false impression of how the world operates.  One must work to earn the money to buy what one wants, or go to the effort of making it oneself, or trade labor or goods for it in a barter situation.  If riches fell into our laps on a regular basis, the word "windfall" would not exist. 

If a child is surrounded by innumerable playthings, the things have no value.  The rarer an item is, the more value it has.  If a child does not value his or her things, it is likely the child will misuse and abuse them.  After all, there are 50 more toys over there.  If this one breaks, who cares?  This attitude is a recipe for social and environmental disaster.  Everything we possess was created out of the natural resources of the earth.  Everything we possess takes up space on this earth.  Everything we possess was made by a human's toil.  Everything I see around me cost someone some part of their lifetime and their life's energy to create.  This stapler, this pen, this computer were all the effort of some unknown human.  To view these objects cavalierly disrespects the earth and its occupants, human and other.  In contrast, when we show care for our objects, we honor the earth and the person who made them possible.  Additionally, if we own too many things, be they clothes or toys or collectibles, we create clutter and chaos and labor for ourselves.  The things begin to own us.

If a child is provided lavish toys, lavish parties for every birthday, mind-blowing movies and entertainment, what is there to look forward to as that child grows up? More lavish gifts, parties and entertainments?  Are we all Windsors and Kardashians now?  No, really, if you show a young kid "Star Wars" (one of the best movies ever!) at a young age, you cannot top that! If they are given child-size, gas-powered cars by the age of 6, will they recognize the privilege and responsibility of driving at 16?  If some things are held in reserve for older ages, then a child has something to look forward to, to long for.  They must wait to have that desire satisfied, which is a hallmark of maturity and self-discipline, that ability to delay gratification.  They also will have treasured memories of special events and objects.  To this day, I remember the one birthday party I was given.  We had a birthday celebration every year, to be sure.  Every birthday, I got to choose what Mom would make for dinner.  There were a few gifts and there was a cake.  There were cellophane wrapped coins between the layers of the cake because nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a chipped tooth and the Heimlich maneuver, right?  But we kids were thrilled with those quarters and dimes.  I remember well, also, the toys we all played with.  There were few enough that I can do that.  But we never felt deprived and we took excellent care of our Light Bright, our Weebles' Tree House, the toy clock and the projector that showed slides of Hanna Barbera characters in the darkened bathroom.  And we were grateful for everything we got.

And let's talk about gratitude.  Gratitude is such a gift.  It is a shelter from unhappiness.  Whenever you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed as you lay sleepless in your bed, truly try counting your blessings.  It is a balm.  Does a child who is given everything feel gratitude for anything?  I understand the impulse to give our children everything for they are everything to us.  We want to delight them and see their faces as we show them how amazing the world can be, but there is time, God willing, and we can mete out that amazement judiciously.

I know that we all love our children desperately and  want to show that love as best  can.  Perhaps we don't have as much time with them as we wish.  Perhaps we are not as pleasant to them day in and day out as we want to be.  Perhaps we think our child is truly special and deserving of everything we can provide.  Truly, though, our children are no more special or deserving than a child in a faraway place who has nothing.  The mother and father in that faraway place love their child just as desperately as you love yours.  And even though those parents cannot even provide clean drinking water for their child, that child knows she is loved.  It really is not about the stuff, is it?