Thanksgiving Time!

The Thanksgiving holiday is a touchstone in my life.  When I was a girl, I spent it with my family and other relatives at Aunt Big Dot and Uncle Frank's or at Uncle Bob and Aunt Jeannine's and I have certain very specific memories of what was done in each home.  Uncle Frank had a collection of vintage wind-up and battery-operated trains and toys that we were alternately thrilled and frightened to touch, knowing that Uncle Frank's gruff and gravelly bark would rain down on us if we damaged one.  We always took a big box of luxurious foods to Uncle Bob's as my father said that Bob and Jeannine would never let anyone pick up a check and it was the only way to reciprocate.   It must be thrilling for parents to begin to create those happy memories for their children and pass down traditions created for them by their own parents and grandparents.  Some years, the memories aren't as happy.  The year when we lost a dear aunt or the first Thanksgiving after Dad died; these holidays stand out in contrast against the backdrop of feasts that were not marked by sadness.

What memories and traditions will you pass down?  Well, not everyone sets such store on these things as I do and besides, you're busy, what with your child-rearing, bread-earning, volunteering and home-keeping!  You may not have given it a thought.  And if you are hosting the big feast this year, you're probably up to your hips in cranberry relish recipes and wondering how you'll manage to seat everyone!  Have no fear!  I have a few fun ideas that you may find appealing.  These are examples of ways to get your children involved in this holiday with their hands, hearts and minds.  Special activities set holidays apart from ordinary days and allow them to be delineated in our memories.   One day, maybe your child(ren) will sit around as adults, as I do with my siblings and play "remember when?"

Remember when we made turkeys by drawing around our hands? ( Yes, it's an oldie but a goodie.  For the uninitiated, you draw around your hand with a crayon and then color it in to look like a turkey.  It looks really nice on brown paper (use the inside of cut-up paper grocery bags).  They can be taped up in the hallway that leads to the bathroom.  That area was not decorated yet and everyone will see them there.)
Remember when Dad showed us how to de-string the celery?   ( It has to be done for the stuffing and the crudites platter.  Your child can wash the celery in the sink, break off the wide, white end and pull off the "strings."  If they miss some, so what?  You won't notice it in the stuffing.  If they do a good job, they can cut the lengths into celery sticks.  This can be done with a slightly serrated table knife if you lay the flat side down on the cutting board.  Really, now, not the round side!  And supervise, supervise!)
Remember when Mom let us scrub the carrots before she cut them up to serve with dips?  She let us mix the dips, too.
Remember when we got to polish the silver with lemon juice and baking soda? ( You can rinse off the residue of this concoction if necessary and chances are the silver won't look any worse, anyway.  This is also a good attitude for letting them clean the sliding glass door, bathtub, lower kitchen cabinet fronts, etc.)
Remember when Grandma sent us out to the backyard with a basket to gather pinecones, leaves, moss and twigs and then let us make an arrangement on a tray? ( This can be your centerpiece if it turns out  lovely.  If someone brought beautiful flowers for the table and your child's arrangement is a little too... earthy....it can be placed on a side table or on their night stand.)
Remember all the little courtesies that Mom and Dad taught us in the days leading up to Thanksgiving?  ( How to greet company, how to offer to take someone's coat, how to seat a lady, how to present a gift by saying,"this is for you!", how to thank your host, how to ask for something at the table, etc.
Remember how we filled a bowl with notes about things and people we felt grateful for? 
Remember how we each chose canned goods to give to the hungry?
Remember how we visited a nursing home and brought them our homemade hand turkeys?

There are so many ways to include the children in our Thanksgiving celebration to make it memorable and meaningful.  They are already thinking about it and looking forward to it, which is pretty nice for a holiday that doesn't involve gifts, only gatherings.  One child in our class, who does not consume animals, told us at group that there would be some people eating turkey when her family went to Grandma's for Thanksgiving.  I am so glad that this family has already discussed this eventuality, nay certainty, and that this child is able to mentally prepare.  I hope that your mental and physical preparations for Thanksgiving are joyful and that you find ways to share that joy with your children and others.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Doni

Are We Ready for a Pet?

I know that this question is one given serious consideration by many parents with young children.  The rewards of sharing your heart and home with a pet are innumerable and there are so many homeless pets who are deserving of such a loving home.  However, committing to a pet is not a decision entered into lightly and there are so many variables which can arise to affect the success or failure of your adoption.  I have a very dear friend who had, with her family, adopted a rambunctious dog from another family.  They felt sure that they could provide the exercise, discipline and affection required to rehabilitate this high energy dog into someone who could peacefully share a family home.  They have questioned their choice many times.  Their life situations changed and the challenges left them with less time and energy for this dog "project" than they had foreseen.  The dog's behavior grew worse causing them to discuss the possibility of re-homing the dog.  The impression that this action would make on their 6 year old son left the couple fraught with worry about everyone concerned, most especially the dog, who really was a sweetheart.

We must also consider whether or not we can provide a safe and nurturing home for a pet.  The tiny little playthings that children tend to leave around that might be ingested, the food that falls to the floor and may adversely affect the pet's digestive health, the rough handling that animals often receive at the hands of a too-young-to-understand child are dangers to the animal, both psychologically and physically.  Now the family may be in a position where the children must be so carefully watched that they not harm the pet and the house must be left so immaculate that no one can enjoy themselves and this much-anticipated family member has become a source of stress and bother, rather than joy.  If only there were a way to be sure that a family was ready for this addition...

Foster a homeless animal, you say?  Brilliant!  Safehaven Humane Society is in nearly constant need of new foster families.  The animals that require fostering are a diverse bunch.  Often, it is a new mama dog or cat who needs a quiet place to raise her young.  Sometimes it is a dog or cat who is too greatly affected by the stress of the shelter environment and needs a respite.  There may be an animal who requires some  at-home medical treatment at intervals throughout the day.  The individual situations vary.  Not only is a family able to provide a vital service to an animal in need, but it is a wonderful test-run to see if your family is animal-ready.  Some of these animals would not take over your entire house. The mama cat/dog and her brood could be contained in the laundry room, eliminating the need to pick up every last Lego off the floor in the remainder of the house.  The sick or injured dog could also be confined to a quiet place much of the day, off limits to the children unless supervised, eliminating the worry of rough handling.  The family could assess whether it was a pleasure to spend their time caring for an animal or was it a burden?  They could assess which changes would be necessary to allow an animal to share their home and life permanently and whether the willingness to make these changes existed in each family member.  And at the end of it all, the animal goes back to the shelter to find his/her forever home, the family has done a wonderful deed for a needy creature and their short-term commitment has been fulfilled. 

Only just this week, the call went out again to volunteers that more foster families are needed.  Perhaps the need is just as great at Heartland Humane Society in Corvallis.  Senior Dog Rescue is a local organization that re-homes dogs in their golden years.  This group has no brick and mortar facility and their clients are housed in individuals homes until an adoptive family can be found.  If your family has been considering pet ownership, please don't shop, ADOPT!  But if you're not sure you're ready for a long-term relationship, do consider fostering a pet. Think of all you can teach your child about compassion and service (not to mention animal husbandry!) by doing so.

Best Regards,
Doni

Tiny Little Addicts

Anyone who enrolls a child at Philomath Montessori School , within a fairly short time, gets to hear why I am so opposed to children, especially under the age of 6, when most brain development occurs, being exposed to screen entertainments such as educational video games, educational TV programs or movies.  I try not to harp as I know people are going to do what they are going to do and I don't wish to sour our 3-4 year professional relationship - longer, if they enroll multiple children.  The gist, though, is this:  When the growing brain receives stimulus, (and everything is stimulus) whether counting to ten, brushing one's teeth, touching a worm or eating spaghetti, the stimulus enters the brain through the senses.  Once in the brain, the information seeks a neural path.  As it travels this path, it leaps from neuron to neuron.  It jumps over the synapses (gaps) between the neurons and as it does so, a myelin sheath begins to form, creating a tube around that gap.  Each time information passes through that synapse, more myelin is laid down, eventually creating a swifter and surer path for that information to travel.  Same and similar stimuli tend to follow that same path.  Information moving around the brain tends to take the path of least resistance, the already myelinized path.

When viewing a screen, whose essence is movement and light and noise, that stimulus travels to the lower regions of the brain responsible for emotion and the fight/flight response.  It continually stimulates these regions, laying down lots of myelin  here, creating  neural superhighways in this area.  Since this area becomes so well myelinized, it becomes the area of choice for future information (the path of least resistance.)  What about the rest of the brain such as the areas more towards the crown and forehead where language and higher cognitive thinking take place?  They tend not to be stimulated, activated, myelinized and connected because the information is stuck rambling around the lower, more reptilian brain which has been so well-traveled by all this screen time.  So, you see, the ramifications of screen time last long after the viewing is over.  The viewing has rather short-circuited the cognitive areas of the brain and has prevented stimuli from reaching it, giving it little to work on to myelinize itself. 

Now it gets worse.  Last Sunday, on ABC News, I heard a report about women who play this video game called "Candy Crush."  It  seems pretty mindless, having to do with matching up pretty candies, getting 3 in a row and eliminating certain ones.  Women are becoming addicted to this game!  They are neglecting their families, imperiling their careers, forgoing sleep, damaging their health and abusing their relationships because the lure of this game is so irresistible.  You see, the bright colors and movement and the little rewards/celebrations that the game provides when you have a small success (and don't children's educational games provide this same sort of positive feedback? These same bright colors and movement?)  stimulates the pleasure centers in the brain, releasing dopamine, the feel-good chemical.  Just like drugs, alcohol, sex or a flaky pastry crust does.  It creates addiction.  We know, of course, that alcohol use in the young is especially dangerous because as the young brain is still in development, exposure to alcohol is much more likely to create dependence than if one waits until adulthood to try it.  We don't have to move the dots very much closer together to see that any addictive habit is more likely to take root the younger we are when exposed to it.  Are you alarmed?  Me, too!

Those of you whose children or who you, yourselves, already have the video game bug will probably dismiss this as alarmist poppycock.  You really enjoy your technology and you enjoy the peace and quiet that the technology provides in your household while your children are engaged with it.  This is human nature.  It is much easier to choose to believe this habit is harmless than it is to make change.  I have succumbed to the siren song of denial many, many times in my life, too.....     But I don't have kids and the stakes are not as high.  I invite you to do your own research on how TV, videos and tech gadgets affect the young child.  You can probably write an even better blog post and publish it here.  We don't want to rear an army of tiny little addicts, jonesing for the next video fix, obsessing with when they can have their next hour of movie time, missing out on the life that is right there in front of them in all its glory.  The shackles of addiction keep us from appreciating the beauty and wonder and challenges of life itself.  We certainly don't want to set our children up for such a fate.

Best Regards,
Doni

Respect for Women Begins at Home

The school year is back in full swing and I am making a good start of being a more active blogger than during the last year.  I see hadn't posted anything since January!  My posts may be shorter and more random than I would like, but I am a firm believer that we mustn't allow Perfect to be the enemy of Good and that Done is better than Perfect. So if you'll indulge me, I will post my random musings as often as possible.

Lately I've been thinking about the treatment of women in our world and how etiquette can make a difference in how our children view women.  For example, I often see children who are permitted to hit their mothers.  This is, to me, the epitome of disrespect.  Parents who allow this behavior are gravely mistaken.  For one, we shouldn't hit.  For another, boys and men should not hit women.  Lastly, our mothers are deserving of our highest respect and should command it.  If we don't draw the line at hitting our own mothers, then I can only assume that we are not drawing any lines whatsoever.

Husbands should lead the way and set the example of honoring Mother.  Holding the door for her, coming around to open the car door, pulling out her chair at the dinner table, offering to carry packages, thanking her for the many and various tasks she performs for us are all ways that respect for women in general, and Mom in particular, can be shown. I have always found the custom of gentlemen rising from their chairs when a female enters the room charming.  I was not brought up this way, but I like it!  If husbands show their esteem for their wives and the mothers of their children in these and other ways on a daily basis, that culture will permeate the family and become part of the children's character.  Boys grow up knowing how women ought to be treated and girls grow up with a sense of their own value and high expectations of the treatment they should receive from the men in their lives.

I also think that one of the best gifts two parents can give their children is a strong and lasting marriage.  It is in the children's best interests for Dad to put Mom first, by assisting her from the car before tending to the child in the backseat: by pulling out her chair at the table before serving the children.  This sends a message to Mom that she is cherished and a message to the children that the union is strong.  This creates a feeling of safety and security for the whole family as the years go by.

I know that some folks object to these courtesies towards women, thinking them out-dated or sexist. I will not attempt to dissuade them, but rather encourage them to find their own ways to illustrate respect towards the lady of the house on a daily and ongoing basis.  I also exhort the ladies to demonstrate their approbation towards their men in ways that are suitable. Same-sex couples, likewise, can find their own ways of honoring each partner.  Respect is more than a feeling.  Respect is a verb and children will come to recognize it in action if they see it often.

Best Regards,
Doni

Things That Matter

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

I would like to share a poem written by a Gregg Kleiner, novelist, jounalist, free-lance writer, and a doting father. In an eloquent way, he says what so many of us are really thinking. 

White Caps

As a fellow father, I beg you
Mr. President—
to please speak up,
utter a few words at least
about our warming world,
before it burns up
Malia’s and Sasha’s future, dries
the tears of our rivers, melts
the cool white caps on our Planet’s poles, soaks
our cities and suburbs with saltwater.
You’re a smart man.
You know it is real,
and arriving too fast. So why such
       s i l e n c e
when your own daughters
will inherit a too-hot world?
Why wait until Sasha and Malia
and all our children ask us,
in a few years,
What were you thinking, Dad?
You knew this was happening and
what were you doing?
while their only future smolders
along the horizon that encircles them?
Say something. Now. For god's sake.
For theirs.
        --Gregg Kleiner

So Mr. President, as you begin your next term, please don't be silent about things that matter.

Respectfully yours, 

Pauline